


Learned Behaviour

by MeetMeAtTheEndOfTheUniverse



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Eventual Emily/JJ, F/F, Flashbacks, Trigger Warnings, domestic abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-10
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:53:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 25
Words: 25,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22645198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeetMeAtTheEndOfTheUniverse/pseuds/MeetMeAtTheEndOfTheUniverse
Summary: Emily has a secret. In fact she has two, one is little and 6 years old. The other is big and seems longer than a lifetime.With her family unwaveringly by her side, secrets begin to unravel and it just might get dangerous.
Relationships: Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Emily Prentiss
Comments: 64
Kudos: 223





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hiya lovelies!
> 
> This is something I’ve been working on for a number of years and it has been through so many revisions and different characters all together but I’ve finally settled on an Emily story. 
> 
> Trigger Warning: this may get into graphic depictions of domestic violence, so if that is not your cup of tea, don’t force it on yourself. 
> 
> I don’t own Criminal Minds as much as I wish I did (JJ and Emily probably would have been together long ago) I do not have a beta so I apologize, all errors are my own. 
> 
> I really hope you like this story. 
> 
> On with the Fic!

4 years ago

No one noticed. If they did they sure as hell never seemed to care. That’s the one thing that got to her out of everything going on. It wasn’t that her friends and makeshift family members, ones that she often had risked her life with, didn’t notice that sometimes she’d take long periods of time off work; That Sometimes she’d be extra careful about how she moved or when she winced when loud noises erupted around the room. She could forgive that. What she couldn’t forgive was how kindly they treated the man that she can truly say ruined her life; how they could stand there while he shamed her and beat her emotionally. They knew that something was up. They just didn’t notice or didn’t want to notice the extent of which she was hurting. 

She'd become an expert at concealing the marks he left. All feelings were shoved in a little box and forgotten about until she got home. 

After her work was over, her only priority was keeping her little girl safe. A beautiful and sweet 3 year old little girl that she can honestly say is the only reason she hadn’t yet killed herself. How horrible is that to say. That her literal life depended on a child that would cuddle close to her chest and give little kisses to her “boo boos.”

He knew that she was her world too. He exploited it to the very maximum that he could; The highest extent possible. The 3 year would hide in the closet when he was home but he knew where she was, he always knew. He’d rip her from her hiding place and scream so loud both of them would swear they could feel their ear drums rupture. 

Her mommy still made her hide though; made her promise that unless she was specifically asked, (ha!) demanded, she wouldn't utter a word to him or even step in his general path. Her mother is her protector, she gets hurt to keep her daughter safe. 

-

Last night had been one of the bad nights. 

Her gorgeous baby, she’s convinced that her little girl is the most beautiful 3 year old in the entire world. A beautiful baby girl named Lily. With her big brown doe eyes and her dark raven locks that curl gently around her shoulders just like her mothers. She has rosy pink lips and long dark eyelashes along with a smattering of freckles that dance across her cheekbones and over the bridge of her button nose. Her baby girl, so innocent but so unfortunately knowledgeable in so much more than she should have to know at any age. She never knew any specifics on what happened when she went to bed, she just knew that in the morning her mommy would be hurt. Lily would wake up every morning with headphones on her ears that played a recording of her mommy singing her favourite lullabies.

She’d patter down the stairs slowly and scared never knowing what she might find in the morning.

That morning she came down to find her mommy lying on the floor in the living room. She had a black eye and split lip and her wrist was bent at a strange angle. She may only be 3 but the little girl knew that it shouldn’t look that way. The child never knew the worst parts of her injuries were hidden just far enough out of view of the little girl, concealed harshly beneath layers upon layers of clothing and makeup. 

Lily knew things. She knew that daddies were supposed to love and give cuddles and take little girls and boys that they love to the park and for ice cream. She’d listen as the other children at daycare bragged and chattered about their daddies. She knew better. Her daddy screamed and yelled. He punched walls and pushed her mommy to the ground. He’d grab her with his mean grabby hands and pull her out of the places her mommy told her to hide. Her daddy didn’t love her. 

During the day her daddy is a firefighter. He saves people. They don’t know that he comes home and hurts people. 

The last few years her mommy had been going to night classes at a special night school just so could have something else to do, that’s what her mommy always told her. She had just graduated. Lily caught her with a big smile on her face and staring at a piece of paper before the door slammed and mommy got scared. He didn’t know. All she told him was that she had been transferred to another station. She’s a paramedic, so she knew how to make herself not hurt; But he hurt her that night. 

The tiny brunette tiptoed with her quietest steps just in case he was still there. Sometimes he just left her mommy on the floor. 

“Mommy?" Lily whispers as she shakes her mother with small hands and plays with her hair. The woman groans as identical brown eyes flutter open and a wince covers her face. She quickly hides the pain from her little girl and slowly sits up. 

She sways momentarily as black spots dance across her eyes before slowly clearing and focusing on a small face pressing itself against her chest. “I'm sorry bug." She whispers gently against her hair as her hand comes up to cradle the girls head to her body.

She feels tears prickle her eyes when she sees the case that’s sitting next to the pair. The little girl had brought the first aid kit like she always does. How horrible is it that her 3 year old had come to know that on mornings such as these, her mother would need help. How absolutely insane is it that she knew to bring the first aid kit every morning just in case.

"Baby, I need you to do something for me." She says quietly as she lifts the child’s chin with gentle fingers. 

The brunette woman smiles softly, her brown eyes full of love and warmth even for someone so unfortunate.

"I need you to go and put your toys and some clothes into your backpack.”

“Why?” The soft sound almost echoes in the barren area. 

“Baby, we’re going to get out of here.” 

“Daddy come?" Lily whispers in fear

"No baby, just us".

Lily's eyes light up as a tear trickles down her mother’s cheek. The toddler jumps up and runs to the stairs no doubt wanting to leave as soon as possible. 

The woman stands slowly even though nausea presently tries it’s hardest to throw her back down to the ground. She cradles her obviously broken wrist to her chest and gazes around the room for hopefully the last time. The couch is moved against the wall, scrapes along the wooden floor from how hard he’d pushed it last night. A chair from the living room is in the kitchen, a multitude of broken dishes and cups lay shattered over the floor. She makes a mental note to check her daughters feet before they leave. She glances to her left where a hole rests from where he’d thrown his fist through the drywall while he’d had her backed against it. The punch just missing her head. She blink against the tears that she wants to let go, a wave of disgust overwhelming her at the thought that she’d allowed herself to become this person. She settles the idea in her mind. They’re leaving and they’re never coming back.


	2. Rule #1

Time To Hit The Road

She hadn’t realized how long it would take to pack their bags and gather what they’d need. There was no clear plan, just get as much as possible and leave before he came home. In the back of her mind she knew that they’d have at least a few hours knowing that he’d be out drinking with “their” friends. 

Over the past several years she’d saved every penny she could get her hands on. A few hundred dollars from every pay check. After almost 3 years, saving almost 400$ Every two weeks, (salary decrease she’d tell him) she’d managed to save almost 30,000$. After having graduated with a degree in forensic psychology years ago before deciding to go back to school to become a paramedic, she’d had her eye on becoming a profiler. When she’d gotten in contact with an old friend of her fathers, one that recently learned about her situation, he’d advised her to take night classes at the local police academy. After almost 6 months, she’d finally graduated and knew it was time to go. After her final schooling, she was down to about 20,000$ but it was a start. 

Her friend had acquired her an interview at the FBI as a part of a team of profilers that would take on killers and terrible figures. Will all that she had been through, maybe she could help someone else with their lives. 

She’d gotten her hands on several new documents, some that weren’t so legal in the complete sense of the word. She’d been assured that they were poke proof and if she could get away from him, she’d be home free.

He hadn’t been able to help her but she’d managed to find someone to create new ID’s for both of them along with passports should they ever need them, new birth certificates and the contact number for her friend; the director of the CIA. How her father, an honourable law professor, had ever had any sort of contact with the director of the CIA was beyond her. 

The main thing was that they no longer were they Emily “Em” and Lilliana Carlton, they were now Emily and Lily Prentiss.

Their bags thrown haphazardly into the back of her car and Lily strapped protectively in her car seat hugging a stuffed monkey that her grandma had given her before she’d passed away, the two Prentiss women set off for a new life of greener grass and hopefully less blue and black.


	3. Rule #2

Stay Away From High Traffic Entrances

PRESENT 

BEEP BEEP BEEP BE-! The woman in bed grabs her phone, checks it and chucks it across the room. She groans throwing the pillow over her head and for more than once in the past few days wishing that she could smother herself with it. 

A moment later she uncovers her face and realizes that she probably shouldn't have done that. 

She groans once again, her body protesting as gets up grumbling to herself. She spots the shattered pieces of her phone up against the wall. Eh, she needed a new one anyway.

Quickly she gets ready for work. She opens her dresser drawer and looks into the mirror. God the dark circles are finally taking over. Guess living a lie everyday to your friends isn't the best therapy huh?

She slips on a pair of black fitted jeans and a nice royal blue t-shirt seeing that it's for once actually kind of sunny. She expertly applies enough concealer to cover the bags along with mascara and chapstick as she heads out of her room. She throws her now perpetually straight hair up into a high ponytail while moving through the kitchen; stopping in the doorway of her daughters room to just watch. She watches as the little girl breathes. Everyday she is so thankful that she got away from that monster. Everyday she’s terrified that he'll find them.

The brunette quickly checks her watch seeing that the time is only 5:30. She groans once more and rolls her eyes silently. She swears JJ is trying to kill her. She smiles though and quietly moves towards Lily's bed.

"I love you so much baby." She kisses the smaller brunettes head and moves to leave the room to grab a cup of coffee when she hears a small moan.

"Mommy," she whimpers tossing and turning.

Emily sighs. Even though it's been 4 years her little girl still has nightmares. She can barely remember her father but she can remember how her mommy was always hurt. The profiler climbs onto the miniature bed and brushes the sweaty curls from her little girls petite face.

"Shh baby. It's just a dream. It's OK. I'm right here." She responds soothing her with her voice.

"MOMMY!" Lily screams terrified; so scared that she wakes herself up. She's sobbing as she launches herself into Emily’s arms, burying her face into her neck.

The mother clutches the little girl tightly, cradling her head and stroking her hair while gently rocking them back and forth. 

"I know baby, I know. It's ok. You're alright." She coos quietly. The little girl continues to sob soon crying herself back to sleep. Emily feels a tear trickle down her cheeks before she angrily wipes it away and shakes her head. She needs to get to work. Carefully, she picks the girl up, grabbing her bag in one hand and placing her daughter on her hip. She packs a little backpack with clothes for Lily and wraps a fluffy blanket around her sleeping form. She sets her gently onto the couch before rushing to the front door to slip on her trusty black boots. She throws on a black leather jacket before carrying the child into her car. The mother expertly snaps her into her booster seat letting her sleep with a kiss to the forehead. 

15 minutes later, Emily pulls up to the South entrance of the J. Edgar Hoover building. The mother collects her things along with her most precious object. She gathers the still slumbering child securely in her arms and uses her hip to shut the door. Emily smiles as Lily sighs in contentment, her lips curving upwards as the girl buries her face into her mother’s hair. The duo make their way into the entrance while Emily nods and smiles tiredly at one of the normal pairs of guards at the door. They make their way downstairs to the all hours childcare centre for agents of the FBI. The people that watch the kids don’t care who brings them in, it’s not like they really interact with the agents that much anyway. It’s their job to feed the kids in the morning and get them dressed for when a bus comes at 8:30 to pick them up for school. It will once again drop them off in the afternoon and they’ll stay their until their parents can come get them after work. 

No one knows that Emily has a daughter. Well that’s not exactly true. Bureau Chief Strauss does. Her original interview had been with the woman. She honestly can’t thank her enough for being willing to give her a chance at only the insistence of the word of another organizations director. Surprisingly enough the typically aloof and cold woman would often ask how Lily is doing. Emily appreciated being able to talk to someone about how her girl is doing even if she wouldn’t go into too much detail. 

Sometimes she worries that lily sees more of the daycare people than she does her own mother But her little girl never fails to bring a smile to her face. She’s always happy and always smiling. There’s something so pure about seeing someone who had a rough start to life be a person that the world has a truly hard time bringing down. It warms her mother’s heart and reassures her that she’s doing the right thing keeping Lily a secret. 

Emily gently places her daughter down on one of the sleeping mats in the back room with the other slumbering children. She kisses Lily's forehead and creeps out of the room sharing a quick smile with another one of the parents. Agent Hath gives her a reassuring smile as she took places her son down on one of the mats. Agent Hath also happens to work in the same section of the building as Emily. She knows about Lily and for months Emily had been so scared that she’d mention something to one of the other agents. After significant mental torture to herself, agent Hath had actually cornered the mother and spoken to her. 

“I’m Julie.” She put her hand out so that Emily could shake it. She did albeit with hesitance. “You have a beautiful daughter.”

As Emily tried to extract her hand, the agent held on tighter and gave it a soft squeeze. “She’s no one else’s business Agent Prentiss. You don’t have to worry about me saying anything about her.”

Emily remembers being so incredibly relieved, maybe only seconded to when the pair had actually managed to escape. Ever since then Emily and Julie would give each other quick reassuring smiles and nothing more needed to be said. Julie has kept her word and not uttered a peep about Lily to anyone in almost 3.5 years. 

"Early morning?" A short haired brunette says interrupting Emily from her musings. Lynette, a young woman from Chicago, also one of Lily's favourite daycare nurses. 

"Yeah, um...she had another nightmare, so I don't know if she should be in there with the others or what?" The agent runs a frustrated hand through her hair after pulling it from her loose ponytail. 

"She's alright for now, if she wakes up we can move her into a different room." The woman assures her. 

"Thanks Lyn." Emily smiles gratefully 

"No problem, hey you sleeping alright?" The brunette asks 

"I'm fine."

"Now why don't I believe you?" She half jokes with sceptical eyes but then switches to a smile. "Well you just make sure you get some sleep sometime soon. Don't work yourself into the ground. She needs you." She nods to Lil through the window who's now sleeping peacefully. 

"I will." Emily whispers. She pats Lynette on the shoulder and makes her way upstairs, swiping her keycard as she passes the guards. It’s takes a few moments before she actually gets to the bullpen since the BAU section is located in the NorthWest wing of the J. Edgar Hoover building. She always made it a habit though to enter from the South if Lily was with her. 

She walks into the bullpen finding that everyone is already there. She smiles tiredly at them before she catches Hotch’s eye and joins them in the conference room. Ready for another day of hell.


	4. Rule #3

Don’t Accept Dinner Invites Without Being Prepared 

"And that's how you sink a corner shot!" Derek cheers in triumph throwing his hands up in the air and smirking at his colleagues. He’d taken it upon himself to teach Emily and Reid how to dunk a paper ball into the trash can from across the room. 

Reid stares at him in confusion As Emily rolls her eyes and shakes her head. 

“Way to keep your ego in check Morgan.” She taunts.

"That is all skills my friends." He boasts with a cheeky smile on his face. If he heard her comment he chose to ignore it.

"Actually, basketball is all math. Starting with a launch angle of approximately 52 degrees with a base of about three revolutions per second of backspin on the “ball,” if you aim for a spot some 7 centimetres from the center of the basket, toward the back of the rim you’re very likely to score. With the backspin, if the ball hits the rim or backboard it so called “deadens” the ball meaning it slows down and stays closer to the basket. Therefore, more likely to fall in." Reid rambles 

Emily chuckles as she notices people around them just gaping at the young genius. Morgan scrunches up another wad of paper and hurls is right at his head. Perfect aim.

"That was rude." He deadpans as he rubs his head.

Emily almost falls out of her chair laughing but noticed that her other team mate isn’t. She turns to see what has captured Morgans attention expecting to see a pretty young girl but instead finds him staring at JJ. She looks to Reid and finds him looking the same way. JJ is coming towards them.

"Stalking JJ now, boys?" She smirks, her eyes sparkling with mischief 

"Shut up princess. JJ better not have any cases."

(Shit. Please god no.)

JJ walks past them as they track her with their eyes and just as they are about to release a sigh of relief, she turns to look at them. Instantly they're sitting up straight, Looking to her expectantly. The blonde laughs and holds up empty hands.

"No cases guys, don't worry."

Emily and Morgan do let out that sigh of relief as Reid sits there frowning.

"Watch it Reid your face will get stuck that way." Emily tells him before getting up for coffee. As she's walking away she hears Reid answer her.

"Your face can't get stuck like this." He says confused

She chuckles at his naivety.

As she's filling up her coffee cup a pink blur known as Garcia rushes up to her. 

"Hey PG." the brunette greets

"E, we're all going out for dinner, you coming with?" She squeals 

Emily hesitates

"Oh come on Wonder Woman. You never go out with the team any more. It's been like forever".

(Ive had my reasons. Shit, I should really tell them. No I can’t. They won’t understand...I mean I don’t have to. It is my personal business.)

"Try a month."

She pouts and bats her eyelashes in sadness

The brunette sighs. "Fine”

(You’d think having a 6 year old I’d be immune to the puppy dog face.)

"Yay! I'll let jayje know, the whole team once again!" She squeals again wrapping her sparkly arms around the agent before running off in her neon green 5 inch heels. 

Emily turns to find Morgan smirking at her. She shoots him a look and holds up the middle finger before taking a swig of her coffee. She grimaces. They really need a new coffee machine.

The brunette sighs and dumps the cup of coffee down the sink and washes out her mug. She’ll just end up getting a better cup later. 

Walking back into the bullpen she finds the rest of her team ready to head out to dinner. 

“Gumdrop’s coming! Gumdrop’s coming!” The technical analyst chants dancing around. 

They watch Emily expectantly as she grabs her coat and things from her desk with not inkling of what she’s thinking, 

(I’m going to have to get Kelly to watch Lily. Man she’ll be disappointed.)

“You want to grab a ride with me Em?” JJ asks almost shyly. Morgan smirks watching her and winks when she sees his face. The blonde just glares at him in return. 

Emily doesn’t notice the exchange as she roots around her bag for her car keys. “It’s fine Jen, I have to run home to do some stuff first,” she also doesn’t notice the blondes face fall, “I’ll meet you guys there?”

“Yes!” Garcia nearly shouts. “Garrison’s on 53rd, you remember it?”

Emily smiles for the first time. “I sure do.”

“Wonderful.” Rossi claps, “lead the way.”

\---

A few hours later all 7 of the team are eating outside at an amazing restaurant JJ had discovered while on a date in the past. Emily automatically had sat beside the blonde not even needing to think about it. Morgan rolls his eyes as the blonde blushing and quickly looks away. 

They had all gotten their food and were sitting around the table laughing and enjoying their meals.

"This is the best spaghetti I've ever eaten" JJ moans.

"Hah! That's nothing. You've never had home made Italian spaghetti obviously." Rossi tells her.

"I have not."

"Well you'll all have to come over sometime and I'll teach you." He tells them.

They all let out a cheer, well except for Hotch. Even Reid lets out a little "whoop"

Emily's cellphone rings.

Garcia shoots her a look. "No. Don't even think about it gumdrop."

"Sorry PG what if it's important." Before Penelope can argue anymore Emily already has her cell to her ear.

"Prentiss." She answers cheerily, they watch as the smile grows a little wider and falls ever so slightly as she sees them watching her. The team can't hear the other person but they feel they can almost understand from Emily's responses

"Hey what’s up?.... oh no that’s fine. Really...just not too late I guess.... what do you mean?...” she lets out a loud laugh and then tries to smother it with a cough. “How did that happen?.... well is she alright?.... yeah no that’s fine, it was an accident.... let her know that she’s not in trouble...thanks Kelly. You’re a life saver you know...I will. Tell her I’ll see her later.... thanks. Bye.” She hangs up the phone and pretends that she doesn’t notice the curious looks on everyone’s face. 

"So, my raven haired beauty, who's Kelly?" Garcia smirks suggestively not noticing the way a certain Blonde profiler shifts uncomfortably.

"Oh get you mind out of the gutter. She’s my neighbor.”

"So who’s they person you’ll see later?”

Emily laughs blushing. “God there is no privacy around here is there?”

“Nope. Do tell.”

“Well I was babysitting this week. A family friend went out of town and asked me to watch their daughter.”

“Oh I’m sorry gumdrop,” Garcia frowns. “I wouldn’t have made you come tonight if I’d known.”

The brunette shakes her hand. “It’s all right Garcia, I have Kelly watching her for a few hours.”

The group continue their dinner with a round of well mixed drink that loosen things up a bit.

“Oh so you know how I was telling you about The little girl Henry met at school?” JJ jumps in when there’s a lull in the conversation.

“The girl who he thought hated him?” Morgan asks 

JJ nods enthusiastically. “That’s the one. Well he was telling me how she apparently punched another boy who was picking on Henry at recess.”

“No way!” Garcia shouts in amazement 

“That’s my kind of kid.” Derek laughs nodding approvingly 

“Spit fire. Remind you of anyone Em?” The blonde smirks 

Emily smiles 

“Yes so Henry has been none stop talking my ear off about her. As it turns out, they go to daycare at the bureau together.”

“Her parent are agents?” Reid inquires 

JJ shrugs. “I assume so. But anyway I got to meet her today. Oh my gosh you guys she is like the spitting image of you Em.”

The team all turn to look at her. 

“You got something to tell us princess?” Morgan teases. Emily’s heart clenches tightly and her throat constricts. 

“Trust me.” She chokes out. “If I could I would.”

“So Henry and this girl?” Rossi questions the mother 

“Thick as thieves now. He will not stop talking about her. It’s Lily did this and Lily did that-“ 

Emily’s heart plummets as JJ continues to talk. Apparently the Henry her little girl had been talking about lately was not just a coincidence. Speaking of, she also apparently needs to have a chat with her daughter about punching other children but she can admit that secretly, she’s kind of pleased


	5. Rule #4

Don’t Get Cornered In The Bathroom

It was almost a month later when what she thought would be a normal day turned into something she definitely wasn’t expecting.

The brunette walks into the women’s washroom a few minutes after the teams morning briefing. Lily had been up all night with a high fever and terrible nightmares. Emily herself ended up crawling into her little girls bed with her and holding her tightly against her chest as her entire tiny body wracked with sobs. She hated that there wasn’t anything she could do to protect her baby from the horrors of her own mind. 

When she’d gotten into work that morning she’d been snappy and anxious. She can honestly say that she’s used to only a few hours of sleep but right now she is completely mentally exhausted. After the team conference where Hotch had given her a few warning looks at her attitude leaving her feeling like a scorned child and more than once had Morgan had to elbow her to get her to respond to a question, she’d stalked off the the bathroom to hopefully splash some water in her face and wake up. 

She finds one of her best friend already there. The blonde technical analyst looks as frazzled as she feels.

"You too huh?" She jokes pushing a strand of her raven locks behind her ear. 

"Yeah me too." Garcia tries to smile but it comes out like more of a grimace. 

Emily pauses, her brows furrowing in concern.   
“Hey PG, you alright, you look kinda " she waves her hand around looking for the right word. "Everywhere."

"Oh I am." Penelope turns to face her friend.  
"I am everywhere. I don’t know how you profilers do it all the time.” She answers frustrated with herself and with the entire situation. 

Emily opens her mouth but doesn’t get a chance to respond. 

“I've been awake since 4. Sophia, my neighbours kid that I watch sometimes, was up all night with nightmares and when I finally got her to stay asleep it was 3AM, " She huffs and slams the faucet off. She sits down on the bench along the wall facing Emily, 

"Oh yeah mine too." She replies without thinking as she splashed cold water on her face.

"What?"

Eyes widen. Silently cursing herself she spins around. "I meant me too. Didn't sleep at all." She prays the blonde buys it.

Garcia doesn't look completely convinced but she doesn't question it.

"Anyway, I have to get back to my lair. Tiny humans to save and all.” She says getting up brushing off the invisible lint from her bright blue dress. 

"See ya Garcia.” Emily calls softly. When the door shut closed, She sighs in utter relief. Damn that was close. It's not that she doesn't want anyone to know, if she could she'd be running and shouting from the rooftops. It's just the fact that they can't know so Lily stays safe.

She looks around the room making sure she's alone before bracing her hands on the sink counter and looking herself in the eyes. No wonder everyone seems worried about her. She really does look like shit. 

Shaking her head, she splashes another handful of water on her face and touches up her makeup before leaving the washroom. 

She steps out of the washroom and runs right smack into another agent with a fresh cup of coffee. 

She gasps loudly. Emily bites down hard on her lip to prevent any noise from escaping her throat, call it habit from years ago. Any extra sounds would earn another punch to the face. She peels the burning hot, now stained shirt away from touching her body. 

“I’m so sorry,” the man stammers. He runs and grabs a handful of napkins and starts patting her shirt. “Here let me help.”

“I’m fine.” She says pulling away 

The male agent steps forewords again “no please let me help.”

“I said I’m fine!” She musters through gritted teeth. Glancing around quickly she spins around and all but runs to the locker room.

Barely allowing a glance, Morgan stands up calmly and follows his partner. He’d seen the flash of fear in her eyes


	6. Rule #5

Lock The Door Before You Take Your Shirt Off

“Shit. Shit shit shit.” The woman mumbles snapping open her locker. “Watch where you’re going next time idiot.” 

She yanks a clean shirt from her go bag more than once thankful that they have extra clothes with them all of the time. She slips off her black blazer and throws it over the door of her locker quickly scanning the room before she throws off her wet and stained t shirt. 

She’s just grabbing her new blouse,

"Hey Prenti-“ Morgan walks into the room scaring the brunette.

"Jesus!" She jumps, her hand going to her heart her shirt clutched to her upper chest.

Morgan freezes. "Emily?..."

"What?" 

He takes a few steps closer. "What happened?"

Emily follows her friends eyes, which happen to be resting on her abdomen.

She quickly pulls the clean shirt over her head.  
"Nothing happened." She tells him grabbing her blazer and brushing past the muscular man

"Wait Emily," he grabs her arm gently

The agent spins and around and yanks her arm out of Dereks grasp

"Please don't touch me." She whispers not meeting her friends eyes

Morgan throws his hands up. "Okay, I'm not touching you. Can you tell me what happened to you?"

The distressed brunette starts pacing the room. Her fingers gripping at her hair.

"Prentiss?" Her friend asks cautiously. He’s never seen her act like this.

"Stop calling me that!" She snaps

"Ok! Alright, what do you want me to call you? That's your name?" Emily’s starting to scare Morgan. She has to be careful of what she says

"Its not my name." The dam breaks and she slowly slides down the wall, tears pouring down her cheeks. She brings her knees to her chest and starts sobbing.

Derek creeps closer to the crying woman. "It's not?" 

She just shakes her head.

“Fine. Well regardless of what your name is I'm going to sit down next to you alright?" 

She nods never looking up 

The man slowly sits beside the distraught woman and on a whim brings her into a hug. Emily stiffens for a minute then relaxes. She lowers her head to Morgan’s chest and continues to sob. She isn’t sure what’s gotten into her, all she does know is that she’s risking everything right now and it may very well be the stupidest thing she’s done.

After a moment, she forces the tears to stop and she pulls away from one of her best friends. She angrily wipes away the few on her face still. 

“It's okay to cry Emily ."

She shakes her head furiously still scrubbing at her face. Morgan sighs. He knows it’s unlikely she’ll respond.

"You gonna tell me what that was about?"

Emily lifts her head to meet Derek’s eyes and for the first time in a fairly long time he wants to beat the shit out of someone for putting that type of pain into one of his girls eyes. It's the first time he’s ever really given her face a good long look. She has a thick barely visible scar coming from her lip. He can see that she obviously knows how to cover it up with makeup but at that close a distance very little is hidden. Her nose is slightly misplaced as if it was broken and never realigned properly and her big brown eyes are full of so much pain. 

"Who did this to you.” He growls lowly almost to the point that he’s whispering. His fists clench at his sides 

A low whimper escapes her throat without her permission at his tone and posture and absolutely loathes herself for it. He’s her best friend, he’d NEVER hurt her.

Realizing her discomfort at his display he quickly loosens up his fists and relaxes as much as he can.

"Who did this Em?”

“It was so long ago.” She whispers, a fresh batch of tears swimming in her eyes. She refuses to let these ones fall, 

"You don’t need to tell me now, just tell me if you’re safe.” Morgan reaches it and grasps her hand. The brunette flinches 

"Oh sorry." He says pulling back

"No...it's ok." She says quickly latching her hand in his again. 

Morgan just sits there letting her figure out what she wants to tell him in silence.

"I was married.” She whispers not meeting his eyes. The mans jaw clenches and he can imagine where her story’s going. "It was years ago... I suppose I’m still technically married. I was pretty young, at the time. I think I met him when I was 23 and we were married a little after my 24th birthday.” She chuckles humourlessly. "God I was so stupid. It was probably only a month or two after our wedding when it was- the first time he, um... hit me." Her voice cracks. Derek squeezes her hand softly. “I had just gotten my degree in forensic psychology when we met but I don’t know- he convinced me that-that wasn’t something I should be doing and I went back to school to be a paramedic. Um.” Her watery eyes meet his hesitantly. 

“Emily. You can tell me absolutely anything. I’ve got you princess.” He says seriously never allowing his gaze to leave her own. 

She nods and sucks in a deep breath from her nose. “When I was 28 I got... pregnant.”

Morgan wallows harshly and has to force his face not to react.

"Yeah?”

Emily nods really not wanting to meet his eyes now. “I have a daughter Morgan. She's 6."

The agent gently turns her face towards his, he’s smiling widely. “You telling me there’s a little princess running around out there?”

A watery chuckle escapes her lips. Leave it to Derek Morgan to make her laugh when she’s telling the hardest story of her life. 

She lowers her head to his hard shoulder and takes a deep shaky breath. "After Lily was born, he got worse. David would go out drinking almost every night and he'd come home angry about the fact that he was too young to have a kid. I was so scared that she’d hear us fighting all the time; that her Daddy didn’t love her. She was 3 years old when I decided to leave for good. I remember her coming downstairs with the first aid kit." She pauses crying again. "That's what it had come too. My 3 year old knowing to bring supplies because I was hurt. When she woke me up that morning it was after a bad night. My nose was fractured, my shoulder was dislocated and my wrist was broken in 3 different places. I couldn’t stay there anymore. Not with her in the house.” Emily sighs a massive breath of relief now that her tale is finally over. 

The pair of agents sit there in silence, Emily’s head still resting on his shoulder. Neither of them are paying any attention to if anyone’s looking for them. 

“What’s your real name?”

Emily sighs. “Carlton. My name is Emily. I just went by Emma back then”

He waits a moment before nudging her shoulder. “I cannot see you as an Emma.”

A laugh escapes her lips. “Yeah me neither.”

“I can’t believe you have a kid.”

She smiles brightly. “Neither can I. She’s incredible Morgan. She really is.”

He nods as they sit for a few minutes in a comfortable silence.

“Let me see them.”

Her eyes flicker back and forth a moment, “see what?” She feigns 

He tilts his head and gives her a look. 

“Morgan...” she sighs 

“Emily. Let me see them.” 

She nods in acceptance. The agent hesitates before again slowly nodding. She knows she can trust her friend without being judged.

She pulls her top up just enough to see her abs.

No noise escapes Morgan’s lips. He just clenches his fists outside of Emily’s vision. There are so many scars. Many of them look like knife wounds and little nicks here and there. The ones that really got to him are the small roundish looking ones that over the years he’s come to know as cigar and cigarette burns.

He reaches out to pull her shirt back down but she flinches, taking it the wrong way and throws her shirt back over her stomach herself. 

"Derek, you can't tell anyone. He's still out there. I mean he's probably looking for us." She's scared and her friend can see it

"He wasn’t caught?”

"I-tried. I did but no one believed me. He was good at convincing people that I was just clumsy. He had a bunch of friends in the force. 

"We’re here and we can-“

"No Derek. No police." She says firmly 

“Well what about the others. Are you going to tell the team? Maybe we can-“ she cuts him off before he can finish 

“I can’t risk that Derek. I wasn’t going to tell you. You caught me. I’m not telling anyone else.”

He sighs and drops his head on top of hers and just sits there With her.

“You know I’ve got you right?”

Morgan feels her smile grow. “I know.” She whispers


	7. Rule #6

Maybe It’s Ok To Have A Confidant

When the two agents eventually force themselves to leave the confines of the locker room, which by the way Derek would like everyone to know it only took so long since someone insisted on reapplying their entire face because it was “running,” they walk in on all of their colleges packing up.

“Hey what’s going on?” 

Reid shoulders his messenger bag. “Hotch told us that we can leave whenever.”

Morgan furrows his brow and shares a look with the Brunette. Both send questioning expressions to their boss. 

Hotch sighs. “Strauss called to say that we’ve exceeded the maximum amount of hours for our teams case load and that B-team will be taking over. You have the next 3 days to yourself. Do with it what you will.” He walks out with a barely perceptible smile on his face. They all know he happy to be able to surprise and spend more time with jack. 

“Hey sweetie.” Garcia smiles with a hint of questioning in her eyes. “You alright? You were gone for a while.” A gentle hand rests on Emily’s shoulder, one that right at this moment is making her feel extremely claustrophobic.

“She’s cool Mama.” Morgan butts in flashing a charming smile. “I even got lucky enough to seem some skin.”

Emily laughs full and loud for what seems to be the first time in forever. Everyone else smiles hearing her laugh. It’s not something they’re treated to often so when it comes around it’s nice to hear.

“In your dreams” She replies shoving him. 

“Every night princess,” he smirks draping an arm over her shoulders and nodding goodbyes to the others. 

“See you in 3 days.” JJ smiles gently a look of something flashing in her eyes as she watches the closeness between her two friends. 

“Give Henry a kiss for me!” The brunette calls out just as the blonde walks through the doors. 

“I will.” She blushes before all but rushing away. Morgan smirks. That girl has about the same amount of subtlety as a clown in the middle of a business meeting. What’s crazier is that Emily doesn’t even notice it. 

“Hey Kid, can I meet Lily?" Morgan asks smiling when they get to Emily’s parked car. She hesitates a moment before grinning back.

"Yeah." She whispers grateful that he’s not asking too many questions about their situation. "She's at school right now. Let's go pick her up. I think meeting her uncle Derek constitutes a free day."

"Uncle?” He asks trying not to beam. 

"If you'll have her?"

"Hell yeah. Any kid of yours is one I want meet. Especially if the rumours I’ve heard are true.”

Emily blushes but a laugh still bubbles through. She hops into the front seat and starts the car, waiting for Morgan to buckle up before she pulls out of the parking lot. 

“She’s a spitfire my girl.” A look of pure pride beams across the agents face. There something so carefree about her when she’s talking about her daughter. Morgan feels a sense of protectiveness surge in his chest. He’s going to do whatever it takes to keep that look in his friends face and make sure that the little Prentiss stays safe. 

Stopped at a red light, he chances his first question. 

“Does anyone else know?”

He glanced at him briefly but looks back at the road when the light flashes green. “Strauss.”

“Strauss?” 

“When I... left, I needed a job. My father had a friend that owed him a big favour, that friend turned out to be the director of the CIA.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah. He knew about my situation and helped us some; gave us the name of someone who could help get new documents and things and he lined up an interview for me with Strauss. She’s actually been really great.” She flashes a slightly pained smile 

He nods back. No more words are spoken but it’s a comfortable silence.

Emily pulls into a parking lot and the pair get out in front of William Castle Elementary School. 

It’s a quick process after they walk into the school together and make their way to the receptionist.

"Hello can I help you?"

"Yes I'm here to pick up Lily Prentiss for an appointment." Emily tells her. The woman nods writing down the information.

"You're her mother?"

"Yes,"

"Will she be coming back?"

"No she won't."

"Okay, sign here." Emily fills in the paper and the receptionist calls down to Lily's classroom over the intercom. A few minutes later a petite brunette is running down the hall.

"Damn Prentiss, JJ wasn’t kidding. She looks just like you.” 

"Love of my life that girl."

"Mommy!"

"Hey slow down bug, what's our rule?" Morgan smirks at the nickname noticing instantly where it comes from. The little girls brown eyes are big and adorable. One of Reid’s statistics flashes into his head about how the eyes are the only organ in the body to stay the same size from birth. It’s hard to imagine those eyes on such as small baby when they already look massive on the little girl. 

"No running in the halls." She sighs slowing down but still launching herself into her mothers arms.

She grips the older woman around the neck tightly as Emily blows a kiss into her neck making the child squeal.

Morgan thanks the receptionist and the three of them walk out together.

"Mommy can we go to Marty's?... please." She puts the cutest pout on her face, she doesn't really notice the man with them.

The brunette heaves a mock sigh while pretending to think hard about her answer. "I guess," she draws out teasingly 

"Yay!"

"Do you do that a lot?" Morgan questions as the trio walk down the street to what he assumes is Marty’s, referring to the lying about having an appointment.

Emily smirks but he can tell she’s serious, "not often enough."

The three make their way into Marty's, a small coffee shop around the corner. 

"Mommy who's that?" She plays with her moms hair, before Emily settles her down at the booth closer to the back corner. For the first time Derek notices how tiny the girl is. She’s 6 but she only appears about 4ish.

"Bug this is someone very special to mommy, this is your uncle Derek. He’s part of Mommy’s team remember?” She smiles

"Hey Kid. Your moms told me a lot about you. I hear you like to draw?”

The little girls looks him up and down as if she sizing him up. The two adults hold their smiles back at the look on her face

"Baby do you remember what I told you about Mommy’s team?” Emily asks brushing her hand down Lily’s messy braid that’s pretty much failing out at this point.

Her big brown eyes look up to her mother’s. “you protect them and they protect you.”

Derek puffs out his chest at that. Emily trusts them. He already knew that but it’s nice to hear once in a while. 

“Yeah bug. Uncle Derek is one of the people who protects Mommy. You can trust him,” she nods her head seriously. 

Lily looks back over to him. 

“Hi uncle Drek,”

He chuckles. “Good enough kid.”

He watches Emily smile lovingly at her daughter just taking in how much the two actually look alike. She even appears to have some of her mother’s mannerism like how both stick their tongue out to lick their lips.

“Cute kid.”

"I know. She was my saving grace." She runs a hand down the girls head removing the elastic holding barely any strands of her hair left and smooths out her dark curls. “How about you stay here with Uncle Derek and I'll go get us some Hot chocolate okay?"

She nods. "Ok mommy but it’s called Cocoa.”

Emily and Derek share a look filled with amusement.

"Who told you that baby?"

"My best Friend." She says simply 

"What's his name?" Derek asks having a hunch.

"Henry.”

"Do you know Henry’s last name honey?" 

"Mmhm, Lamon- something."

Emily closes her eyes. “LaMontagne?”

“Yeah!”

She nods. She was afraid of that.

“It’s ok.” Derek whispers. She nods again. 

"Ok, well I'll go get our hot chocolate." She presses smiling a little strained 

"It's cocoa mommy!"

"Well I call it hot chocolate and so does uncle Derek," the child looks to the man who nods in agreement. "We all call it something different Lil, there is no right or wrong name for it."

"Mmkay." She nods

As Emily gets them their drinks Morgan watches as the young brunette gets papers and some pencil crayons out of her little backpack.

"What're you drawing." He grins as the little girls tongue pokes out of her mouth in concentration.

"My homework. I haveta draw my life in a picture." She scribbles 

The buff agent looks over Lily's shoulder at her drawing. So far she has 2 stick figures with some brown strings for hair on a bed. One of them big and one of them small. A boy stick figure with dark skin stands off to the side with a big smile on it's face.

"Who's this?" He points to the smiling picture. 

"That's you silly!" She squeals 

Derek feels her heart swell. This kid is the best. He can once again feel the need to keep her and her mother safe rise up in the pit of his stomach. He’s humbled to be given the position of honorary uncle to the beautiful girl.

"Thanks kid." He grins as Lily moves over crawling into his lap. It surprises him, especially after Emily had mentioned Lily's nightmares. He figured to child would be a little move apprehensive.

Emily comes back a few moments later stopping and grinning widely at the scene in front of her.

Lily is in Morgan's lap drawing furiously on her own page stopping every moment or so to look at his drawing and commenting on things like "the sky isn't green." And then Derekwould fake surprise apologizing very sincerely and start colouring the sky pink. Watching her best friend send her daughter into a fit of giggles was the best feeling in the world


	8. Rule #7

Don’t Go Back To The Past If It Can Be Helped

"So pretty boy any plans this weekend?" Derek teases him leaning back in his chair casually, tossing around a pink brain shaped stress ball that he’d gotten free from one of those mental health lectures that the bureau’d hosted. 

"Actually... no" Reid answers barely looking up from his papers, his hand moving quickly as he forces it to write as quick as his mind flits between thoughts. 

"What no Russian movie marathons?" The agent references smirking mercilessly at the young man. 

A ball of paper soaring through the air and hitting his head catches his attention. He turns to find his brunette coworker grinning smugly. 

"Leave him alone Morgan."

The man winks. “What about you Princess, any plans?"

"As a matter of fact, yes. I do have plans."

"Ah. See you know how to have a good time. Whatcha doing?"

"A party." She smiles secretively.

"A party?" He asks sceptically 

She sighs dreamily. “A nice bottle of red, and a bathtub with jacuzzi jets.”

"Ah now that is a party I’d like to be at,”

"Too bad you’re not invited." She quips hiding a smile behind the lip of her coffee mug. 

"You wound me," he clutches his heart in fake sorrow.

"Okay so Prentiss has plans, anyone want to hear mine." He looks around at his colleagues 

Emily and Reid look to each other and reply in unison. "No."

Reid continues. “There’s paperwork and you need to do it.”

“Prentiss has paperwork and she still has plans!” He whines dramatically 

JJ swoops in. She walks right past them holding up a case file. "No she doesn't."

"But-" Emily starts

"Sorry, conference room in 5" she walks away

The 3 agents groan.

\-----

5 MINS LATER  
CONFERENCE ROOM 

Everyone gathers in their normal seats around the circular conference table. Hotch and Rossi at the two seats at the proverbial ‘head’ of the table. 

"Alright Garcia go ahead." Hotch nods to her, turning his body to face the screen. 

"For the record I still don't know how you can look at this stuff everyday." She grimaces putting up the photos on the big screen.

Several pictures of the normal decimated bodies pop up and disappear as Garcia explains the facts. 

3 sets of women pop up of the screen.

"I got a call directly from the New York police department. 6 women were found raped and murdered in Central Park." Hotch tells them before he hands it off to the technical analyst. 

Garcia takes over. "Lauren Hannifin. 24 and Sophie Richards also age 24 Were found on May 7th. Hannah Williams 23 and Carla Davis 25 were found May 14th and Dominique Shaw 19 and Chelsea Hahn 18 were found on the 21st."

"They were all raped?" Reid asks flipping through the pages of the case file that he insisted upon even as the others had advanced to iPads.

She nods cringing.

"Were all girls together when they were attacked?" Morgan pipes up glancing back at the screen. 

"It's seems that way." Garcia says. "Chelsea and Dominiqe were last seen together leaving a night class at NYU. Lauren and Sophie left together after their shift at The Bean coffee shop and Hannah and Carla were last seen together at the Smash Boxx club."

"So the unsub is attacking in pairs." Emily states thinking. “Surrogates?”

“I’m assuming male if they’re both raped.” JJ answers. “Maybe his lover left him for another woman?"

"It's plausible." Rossi says. "He fits the profile of a classic misogynist."

"Are we sure it's only one unsub? How is he raping one of the women while making sure the other doesn't move? There's no sign of ligature marks." Morgan states

"They all had traces of succinylcholine in their systems." Garcia mentions handing out a page into the middle of the table. 

"Isn't that used as an anesthetic?" JJ questions her eyebrows furrowing. 

"So the unsub either has a partner or he's drugging them so they can't move." Rossi nods, deep in thought. 

"Succinylcholine has a paralyzing effect in the body so it's more likely the unsub drugs one of the women, rapes the other then switches and drugs the other. It's also not a commonly found drug so the unsub most likely has access to some sort of doctors office, clinic or hospital." Reid recites from some part of his strange brain.

“What was the C.O.D?” 

Penelope grimaces again. “Asphyxia.”

Morgan furrows his brow. “There weren’t any signs of strangulation”

“The drug killed them.”

“Succinylcholine paralyzes all of the muscles in the body even those used for respiratory function. Without proper intubation, the oxygen to the brain would have been cut off and they would have asphyxiated. They also would have been awake when it occurred.” Reid rapidly responds

Each one of the team momentarily allows disgust to envelope them before they’re forced to move on. 

"The crime scenes have all been searched by NYPD. When we get there, we've been asked to work in tandem with the 47th precinct, They specialize in rape crimes, they've also been there since the beginning," Hotch adds as he starts packing up his things. 

The rest of the team nod. Not noticing Emily's shocked face.

"Alright. Wheels up in 30."


	9. Rule #8

Don’t Expect Privacy In The Company Of Others

On the jet the team is fairly silent, each member doing their own thing after the group run down of the case. Reid sits nodding off in his chair, the case file resting precariously on his lap. Hotch sits stiffly as always, immaculately kept, making a game plan for when the team arrive and compiling their known facts. Rossi writes away on a pad of paper, half of the team are convinced he’s working on another book. Garcia left back at Quantico, on-call for any time they might need her expertise. The other three members of the team are the ones that aren’t acting so normal.

Emily chose to sit as far away as possible from the others in fear of them noticing her less than typical body language. Her shoulders are tense, her eyes staring off into space at something, god knows what, and her fingers picking mercilessly at her cuticles as every so often teeth bite unconsciously at her nails. 

JJ who’d strategically placed herself across the way from the brunette but still able to see her if she lifts her eyes, has a book resting in her hands, close to her face. Her shoes on the floor and her feet curled up underneath her, her eyes dart back and forth between her book and the woman. It’s almost as if she doesn’t mean to do it, one moment she’s reading a sentence and then next she’s staring not so subtlety at her friend. 

Morgan smirks not even bothering to hide his grin. He gazes straight at the blonde who he notices keeps feigning interest in her novel but really just looking at Emily. She thinks she’s so inconspicuous really. He shakes his head in amusement allowing his gaze to switch to his brunette friend. When his eyes meet her hunched up figure, he’s instantly concerned. As Derek now flits his gaze between the two women, he wonders who’s going to be the first to speak. 

5 minutes later, It's Morgan who cracks first. 

He stands slowly as not to wake the young man at his left, he grabs the file just before it falls to the ground when it slips from between the mans fingers. Placing it on the table in front of him, he nonchalantly strides over to Emily. 

Plopping himself heavily into the seat directly in front of her, he notices when her eyes snap to him that she’d been completely out of it. Casually glancing over his shoulder he sees the blonde frown ever so slightly at him and raise her book higher in front of her face. He rolls his eyes in response. 

Morgan shoots a playful grin at the still tensed up woman. She sends him an uneasy smile back, her fingers tracing along her bottom lip. 

“You ok?”

She nods and forces herself to sit up straighter, her hands folding in her lap in a pretence of calmness. He catches the crinkle in her brow that he knows means she has a killer headache. 

The agent tilts his head. “Emily.”

Her eyes flit back to his and then away again. They dart around the plane landing momentarily on a curled up blonde across from her. She wets her bottom lip and shifts ever so slightly towards him. Sighing, she lets her body sag. 

“What going on Em?”

She shrugs, a movement that she so loathes. Her mother had raised her with impeccable manners and shrugging had not been on the itinerary. 

“Something’s up. Is it the case?”

“...I guess.” She draws our slowly her eyes still tracing around the jet making sure no one else is looking at her. 

“And?”

She huffs at him. Her brown eyes meeting his. “I don’t like New York.”

Derek nods. “I know.”

She continues as if she hadn’t heard him. “I worked at the station across from the 47th. From... before.”

An understanding passes over him. He nods. “Will they recognize you?”

“I don’t know. I really don’t.” She sighs heavily and leans back in her chair, her gaze drifting to the clouds outside the window.

——

They really don’t give her enough credit. They weren’t exactly being quiet. She didn’t mean to eavesdrop it just happened. 

JJ drags her arm up, her palm coming to rest gently under her chin as she leans her weight on it. Her book still placed directly in front of her face, she’d notices that she’d read the same paragraph over and over again and still hadn’t absorbed a word when her ears catch on to interesting words. 

Emily had said something about “From before.” Before? Before what? What had come from before?

When Morgan replies with his question of if they’ll recognize her, JJ’s head tilts and she shifts a little too quickly, her heart racing when she hears a pause in their conversation, hoping they hadn’t realized that she’s listening in. She breaths a sigh of relief that quickly turns to worry when she hears her best friends voice, tense with a little bit of something else lurking beneath, answer with an unknown. 

What the hell is that about?


	10. Rule #9

Stay Away From Common Ground

JJ promised herself she’d keep a closer eye on the brunette agent, purely to make sure she’s definitely alright, mind you. This has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that her scarlet red t-shirt dips dangerously low, giving a subtle peek at her cleavage. No it has nothing to do with that. 

Unfortunately within the first hour of her making that promise, Hotch had scattered the team into pairs to take on different tasks. Morgan and Rossi has been tasked with talking with the coroner about the others victims as Hotch mentioned that himself and JJ would go set up with the local LEO’s. Emily and surprisingly, Reid were sent to the crime scene. Emily shared a curious glance with Morgan but he’d just shrugged and she left with the younger agent without question.

In the car, the young man drives to the location of where the newest bodies were found. When Emily so graciously allows him the spot behind the wheel, something which he’d finds extremely unnerving since Morgan and herself often tell tales of their fights over it, he finds himself chatting more so than normal. 

“So.” He clears his throat, adjusting his grip on the wheel. “How are you?”

She barely glances at him. “Reid, I’m fine.”

She keeps her gaze directed solely out her own window, her knee bouncing wildly in her seat. He’s pretty sure she hasn’t noticed. Knowing he won’t get her to spill her feelings that easily, he changes topics. “What’s going on with you and JJ?”

He awards himself a mental high five when her head snaps to his. See yes, he had seen the pout like expression in JJ’s face when Hotch had paired them off and sent them away. And if he’s honest with himself, he’s been noticing actions like that more and more recently. 

“What are you talking about?” She asks genuinely confused but maybe, just maybe a little panicky also. 

He leaves her a chance to follow up her question with another and maybe to let her squirm a little if he’s honest. Then he just shakes his head and replies, “Nothing. Never mind, I must have been thinking about something else.”

Out of the corner of his eye he can see the glare that she’s shooting him. “If you have something to say Reid then just say it.”

He looks to her and again shakes his head. “I don’t have anything to say.”

She huffs and tries her hardest not to fold her arms across her chest like a petulant child. “Fine.”

The tinny robotic voice of the GPS calls out that there’s still 15 minutes left in their drive and to take a right at the nearest lights. Emily sighs loudly, reaches over and practically slams her finger over the button to turn the device off.

“Emily!” He squeaks. “I need that.”

She rolls her eyes, “you don’t need that. It was taking you through the high traffic zones anyway.” Her head peers out her window, then turns briefly to peer out of his. “Make a left there.”

He does as she says, following all of her directions. “You know this area?”

He sees her hands clench in her lap and then relax as if she’d forced herself to remain calm. “Something like that.”

Until they arrive, the only words spoken between them are her quiet instructions and his noises of comprehension. 

When they finally arrive at the part of the park where the newest bodies had been found only an hour earlier, he shuts off the vehicle and removes the keys, turning to ask her something else but she’d already unbuckled her seatbelt and is halfway across the lawn. 

He scrambles to follow, only catching the last bit of her sentence to the officer on duty.

“...Agent Reid. We’d like to see the crime scene.”

The officer, a young man that can’t have been on the job for too long nods and lifts the crime scene tape for the pair, leading them towards a group of trees where crime scene techs are still buzzing about. 

He notices things as she goes about her job. She clears her throat a few too many times, her grip goes white around her pen as she writes down witness statements, her eyes dart away from the scene and out of focus a bit too much. What is she thinking?

As they walk next to each other to go back to the SUV, he’s just about the gain the courage to ask her if she’s alright again when another voice beats him to it. 

“Emma?”

Reid stops abruptly when he notices that Emily’s no longer beside him. He twists just in time to see her wipe the expression off of her face and turn around the woman who’d called out the name. 

She’s short and very average looking. Her blonde hair is swept into a tight ponytail, tight enough that it stretches her forehead higher and almost painfully. She has small, almond shaped eyes, the irises coloured a dark hazel which in the light flip to an almost green. The uniform she dons is the typical navy blue from her short sleeved top to her long shapeless pants. Adorning the shirt in white letting is the worlds EMT on right breast and FDNY on the left. A patch with the rod of asclepius; a snake wrapped around a rod, a common medical symbol, sits proudly on the sleeve of her left upper arm. A belt around her waist and a pair of black work boots complete the look. She’s very clearly a paramedic. 

Her hand flies to her mouth in shock. “Emma?” She repeats staring directly at Emily.

Reid states on unabashed. Emily still doesn’t move. After a few moments of awkward and tense silence, he clears his throat.

“I’m sorry ma’am. You have the wrong person. This is agent Prentiss with the FBI.”

The woman blushes and shakes her head. “Of course, I’m sorry. You just really look like a woman I used to know.”

Emily gives her a pained smile, almost a grimace. “It’s alright.” She says quietly. 

Both agents walk back to the SVU in silence. Getting back in, Reid chalks up the experience to a strange coincidence, that is until what happens later.


	11. Rule #10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey lovelies!
> 
> Sorry it took me a little while to post this chapter, I was super sick for like a few days there and not going to lie it freaked me out! You can’t be too careful about anything right now unfortunately. Let me tell you, worst birthday ever. 
> 
> Anyway, I’ll definitely try to make these updates a bit more regular now, no promises though I’m still trying to get over this nasty cold. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!
> 
> Love Bre <3

Don’t Forget About The Nightmares

  
He could tell the second she walked into the station that there was something seriously wrong. Something seriously bugging her. Looking back now, Derek wants to kick himself for not commenting on anything. He wants to punch himself out and yell at him to follow her like he did before and force her to talk to him.Dammit. Why didn’t he follow her.

-

“Emily? What’s wrong?”

_ “What’s wrong? What’s wrong?! What the fuck is wrong with  you ?! Why can’t you do anything right?!” _

“Em?”

_ “Get your fucking ass off the fucking floor Em! I didn’t even hit you that hard. Stop the fucking tears. If you weren’t such a conniving, manipulative bitch I wouldn’t need to teach you! It’s a little blood, it’s not going to kill you.” _

“Emily you’re crying.”

_“Why the fuck are you crying?! STOP CRYING! You want to cry? You want something to cry about?! I’ll give you something to to FUCKING CRY ABOUT_!”

“EMILY!”

A hand on her shoulder sends her shooting out of the nightmare she’s stuck in. It sends her out so hard that her first thought is to fight. Her hands dart out towards her invisible assailant, fingers tightly wrapped into fists. Her legs kicking, her feet’s not too far behind.

The loud sound of a body hitting the ground roughly jerks the terrified woman out of her head finally.

Short breaths puff out of her lips in a still panicked rhythm. Her mind feels like it’s just coming out of a foggy haze, the proverbial clouds clearing out of her head. The low hissing and repetitive curses from the floor have her scrambling towards the fallen figure.

“Oh my god! JJ!” A shocked hands flys to cover her mouth. Brown eyes lock onto the still swearing frame at the side of the bed.

The blonde clutches her forehead tightly with both hands, her grasp so harsh her knuckles turn white. It’s as if she believes that if she clutches it hard enough, she can force the pain back inside her own body. Her entire body is curled up and rocking back and forth probably unconscious in a motion of comfort. Her long blonde hair covers her face like a tarp so Emily can’t quite see the damage she’s obviously inflicted on the poor woman. 

The rocking stops when Emily’s own body slips from beneath the sweat soaked bed sheets and coils onto the ground beside her best friend.

“JJ,” a quiet whimper leaves Emily’s lips. A sound she’d never thought would come from her throat again after the first few months with him.

The blondes frame stills when shaky hands reach to pull back the curtain of gold and tilt her chin upwards gently. Tear filled blue eyes peek up to meet brown, regret and sorrow shining so clearly back at her.

For the first time, the brunette agent notices the small patches of red dripping from beneath the blondes grip as well as the matching colour on the corner of the bedside table next to them. 

“Shit JJ. Oh god. I’m so sorry.”

JJ’s head jerks side to side, her hair flying with the motion.

“Not your fault,” she grits her teeth. “You were having a nightmare. I got too close”

“Doesn’t matter. Fuck, I’ll get Reid” Emily turns to stand but freezes when a small hand darts out to grasp her shirt wildly.

“No! I’m ok. I don’t need him.”

The woman kneels back down. “JJ, you’re bleeding!”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine! JJ, I hit you!” Now she’s practically begging the other woman to understand. Her hands clutching the blondes pale arm as gently as she can while still displaying her fervour. Almost like a combination of soft hands but rough fingers with nails digging into her skin.

“You didn’t.”

“I-“

“You freaked, I fell, I hit my face off the table.”

“Jesus, shit wait here.” The older woman jumps up and runs to the bathroom. She rummages around momentarily as all JJ can hear is her muttered swears and bare feet slapping against the marble tiling of the floor. She comes back with a case in her left hand and a small bottle in her right.

“If you won’t let me get Reid at least let me help you.”

“Emily, I’m ok.”

The woman shoots her a fierce glare, one that could probably rival Hotch’s, not that she’d ever tell him that. “Jen, shut up.”

The blonde wisely keeps quiet. She hesitantly allows the other woman to peel her hands away from her forehead, opening her eyes wider when she hears a small hiss escape her lips.

“Is it bad? How bad is it?”

“I don’t think it’ll need stitches,” is the response she receives, not exactly what she was looking for but she’ll take it for now.

With gentle fingers, Emily turns JJ’s head and inspects the wound. The blonde can’t help it when her cheeks warm slightly noticing the focused eyes and a familiar determined look on the woman’s face, especially since now it’s directed to her. Her lips quirk as she spies the small bottle resting by their feet.

“Need a disinfectant?”

A small laugh bubbles from Emily’s lips as she rummages through the first aid kit she found. She turns her gaze back onto the blondes. “For us. I feel it’s appropriate right now.”

“Oh.” She accepts the small bottle of vodka as it’s passed between her lips.

Emily’s fingers once again find themselves under JJ’s chin, tilting left to right, up and down. JJ doesn’t even fight it when she notices that she leans into the older woman’s warm grasp, her own digits fingering softly, a pale wrist.

Without words, the brunette goes about cleaning her best friends wound. It’s a good sized laceration just above her left eye brow. It stings like a bitch but JJ doesn’t utter a word. Her ocean eyes watch the woman’s face almost as if in a trance, she can’t look away. She doesn’t quite know how it happens but her hand comes to rest softly on Emily’s shoulder close to her neck. Her fingers unconsciously dance across creamy flesh and stroke silky sleep-mussed raven locks. As this happens, Emily’s own gentle ministrations don’t cease. She blows lightly when the hydrogen peroxide stings her wound and smiles with the smallest tilt of her lips when JJ leans her head forewords so she can apply the butterfly bandage. It’s almost motherly in a way; and if JJ pleads hard enough, almost loving.

Time stands still between them when her actions slow to a halt. Whispers of soothing words pass from one set of lips to the other’s. Calming glances sent invisibly through lazy and un-rushed eye contact.

Emily’s thumb brushes delicately over a pale pink lip as her hand still cups the blonde cheek with the lightness of a single feather. JJ’s own still caressing the soft skin of the brunette’s neck, feeling her heart beat race beneath her fingertips.

What a sight the pair must look. Together on the floor, practically entangled with one another. Droplets of scarlet blood staining the carpet and corner of the side table, the remnants of tears on both women’s faces. Yet neither of them pay any attention at all to anything but each other in that time. Neither moves much for fear of rupturing the moment. 

Faint words pass through JJ’s lips to permeate the air around them. “How does it look?”she questions the other. Of course she means her head; the wound.

“Beautiful. As always,” Emily whispers in return. She of course doesn’t mean the wound. She tucks a strand of golden hair behind the younger woman’s ear and allows her hand to run down her shoulder to the warm expanse of the palm of her hand, smiling gently as she practically feels her shiver. She grasps the delicate hand and slowly stands the two of them up together.

JJ recalls the panicky emotions she felt when she’d seen the other woman in a fitful nightmare as Emily leisurely but surely guides them both towards the bed that the blonde had come from. Without words the two slip under the covers and just hold each other. 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Emily shakes her head minimally, a stuttering sigh escaping her lips. “No. I just want to lie here and exist.”

No more words are exchanged between them. No more need to be. For now, they both find comfort in the light embrace of the other. Questions and concerns can come later.

And believe it, they will come later.


	12. Rule #11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Guys!
> 
> I'm so sorry! We all know that everything is absurdly insane right now. There is so much going on and way too much panic. I had been planning to start getting these chapters up sooner and more concisely. As you can tell it obviously hasn't happened. 
> 
> This is a smaller chapter for now just something saying that I haven't died and I'm not abandoning this story.
> 
> Bre <3

Make Sure You Always Know What's Happening

THE NEXT MORNING.

Warm. It’s so warm. 

The lazy thought flitters in and out of her still sleep deprived mind. Something tickles her nose as she breaths in deeply. What is that?

A single irritated brown eye pops open slowly, adjusting not quickly enough to the strange brightness of the room. Her vision clears to then be concealed by thick golden strands falling onto her face, moving softly with each and every inhale and exhale from her lips. It takes a few moments for her head to clear and memories to come surging back. 

Shit.

JJ and herself are practically spooning in the blonde’s bed. The front of Emily’s body is pressed close against the back of JJ’s. The brunette’s own hand curled against her chest yet the blondes is drawn away from her body and rests across Emily’s hip, precariously close to her ass. 

The agent takes in a shallow, shaky breath. She can’t believe that she let JJ see that. What the hell had she been thinking; allowing herself to fall asleep, especially in front of anyone else. Derek she could; he understood, but anyone else, big no no.

A soft buzzing on the nightstand next to the bed beside the one she’s so inappropriately occupying with the blonde, takes her immediate attention away from the awkward feeling that settles in her chest from the intimate embrace she shares with her friend and colleague. In the dim lighting of the room, she can see Hotch’s face lighting up her phone screen. 

Turning her head back to the blonde, Emily ever so carefully removes JJ’s hand from her body and shifts it so that it lays against her own chest. Her breath hitches as the woman murmurs softly and turns her body into Emily’s. She lets out the puff of air, not even realizing that she’d been holding it in. With extra care, she slips seamlessly off the bed, swiping her phone off the nightstand. Hitting the accept button on the call, she looks half awake around the room finally realizing that the light she’d seen earlier was coming from the bathroom, who’s switch she’d obviously forgotten to turn off in her haste to aid the blonde. With that thought in her head, She glances momentarily at the still slumbering figure but quickly shakes any thought of her out of her mind. 

“Prentiss,” she clears her throat.

“Sorry for the wake up call. We’ve got a lead.” Hotch’s voice sounds from the other side.

“I’ll be down in 15.” 

Without any further thoughts, she drops her phone onto the bed and snatches her carry on bag, entering the bathroom and shutting the door. 

The sound of the shower starting wakes the blonde whose own foggy thoughts are interrupted but the sound of her cell phone ringing. 

-

Exiting the bathroom after a quick 5 minute shower the brunette walks in on JJ sitting fully dressed upon her bed, a compact mirror focused on her face. She hisses gently as she prods the swollen and bruised area around the butterfly bandage.

“Ouch.” Emily’s voice draws her attention. “That doesn’t look too good.”

The blondes shoulders slump. She snaps the compact closed and sighs. “Yeah I know.”

The brunette agent steps closer, her still wet hair dripping onto her button up shirt. “I’m so sorry JJ.”

“It wasn’t your fault.”

“But it was,” she insists. “It was my fault.”

“Emily.” JJ states firmly. “It wasn’t, you didn’t hit me. I got too close, I should have known not to wake up someone who obviously was having a nightmare,” Emily’s posture tenses at the reminder. “I startled you and your quick reflexes startled me. I fell. You didn’t touch me.”

“Still... I feel like an ass”

JJ laughs breathily. “I’m fine. I’m going to get so teased when Morgan realizes what happened though.”

-

“Holy shit girl!” Morgan indeed does yell when he sees the pair step out of the elevator on the main floor of the hotel lobby. His eyes zeroing in on the now massive bruise surrounding the split flesh above the blonde’s eyebrow. “What the hell did you do to yourself?”

The other men too stare at her wound in concern. Obviously the two women had taken longer than the rest of them. 

Emily opens her mouth to answer for the woman and explain what had happened but JJ beats her too it. 

“It’s really a dumb story. I got up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and I tripped over my Go bag. I knocked my head off the bedside table.” She sells it flawlessly if Emily has anything to say about it. A posture that conveys just the right amount of sheepishness as well as a perfect inflection to her tone that says embarrassed. The brunette meets the blondes eyes with a questioning expression. JJ just smiles at her and walks off with the rest of the men. Morgan indeed teasing the absolute crap out of her. 

Emily is left standing there, a small grin on her face and a large warmth in her chest.


	13. Rule #12

Always Watch Your Back

1 week later and they’d finally caught the sick freak. He’d been hiding out in an abandoned warehouse less than 10 minutes from Central Park. A janitor at a private clinic, around just enough to know about the paralyzing effects of succinylcholine. Of course, no one ever suspects the janitor. It was indeed true that a woman in his life had ‘wronged’ him. Turns out, he was a violent abusive bastard that enjoyed knocking around his wife and daughter from time to time. When his wife eventually sought help and managed to get away from him, she’d moved in with her best friend and they are now essentially in a relationship. His daughter forgot about him in favour of 2 loving and stable mothers. 

Emily and Morgan both were incredibly pleased that he’d decided to make a run for it. It just made catching him much more sweet that they could take him down with maybe a bit more force than necessary but hey, he did manage a few blows to them both with Emily now sporting a split lip for her troubles. 

When JJ had first seen the damage to her face, she’d winced so hard Derek thought that her shoulders would dislocate. His amused grin turned slightly downwards when he’d heard Emily mumble something to her about karma and how they now match. 

Now all they really had to do was pack up the conference room they’d been borrowing from the NYPD team and hightail their asses back to Quantico. 

“You ready?” Morgan bumps her shoulder gently as she stacks the last of the case files neatly on the Captains desk. 

Emily smiles brightly, rolling her eyes at his eagerness to leave. 

“You just can’t wait to get back so you can call Melissa.” The brunette teases as the pair stride back in unison towards the conference room to pick up their last possessions. 

“I do not appreciate that tone of voice princess. What do you take me for?” He shoots right back. 

She falsely pretends to clear her throat masking her next words behind a clearly fake cough. “Fuck boy.”

When she realizes that he’d stopped walking beside her, she turns around to find him just gaping at her. 

His jaw dropped open and his stance disbelieving greet her. “I can’t believe you just said that. Where the hell did you learn that?”

She smirks and turns, leaving him there and slyly allows her lips to blossom into a grin when he runs to catch up with her again. 

“Would’t you like to know.”

He sputters at her response momentarily before JJ butts in hearing the tail end of their conversation. 

“It was Garcia.” She says nonchalantly as she grabs her bag and hoists it over her shoulder. 

“It was so Garcia,” Emily confirms sharing a conspiratorial wink with her blonde friend. 

Derek growls playfully, following the two women to where the 3 other team members are waiting for them in the Lobby. 

“Looks like someone needs a spanking.”

Hotch almost imperceptibly rolls his eyes at his colleague. “Do it on your own time Morgan.” 

Once again, the man is left sputtering, no words available to him as the group of 6 exit the doors of the 47th. JJ and Emily share a quick look before bursting out in laughter, Rossi smirking at the agents expense. Reid looks between them all so obviously confused.

“Do what on his own time?” This question just causes the women to laugh harder. 

It’s just a short walk until they get to the parking garage near by to then drive to the airfield where a jet will be waiting to take them home. 

Their walk is mostly in a comfortable silence, just taking in the bustling sounds of New York City. 

Morgan catches the way Emily’s shoulders stiffen so subtlety that if he wasn’t actively watching her for the signs, he probably wouldn’t have noticed. He doesn’t think any of the others have either. He sees her glance quickly to her left taking notice of the stone building coming up ahead of them with its large bright red doors and yellow and red lettering above the first archway, ‘Rescue co.4’ and the other, ‘47 Engine 47’

He notices her eyes skitter away as the entrance door opens and a burly man still dressed in his turnout pants with the suspenders over his shoulders, steps out onto the front stoop with a smoke and lighter in his hand. His jacket off and a long sleeved blue shirt with the FDNY emblem sitting proudly over his left breast. 

Emily’s body language tightens even more. Derek swears he heard her spine crack with how straight she’s holding it. She doesn’t look back at the station and they’re just about to clear it when the man calls out. 

“Carlton?!”

All 6 of them stop and turn realizing the man had spoken to one of them as he practically sprints towards the group. Morgan without really realizing it, ends up standing halfway in front of the brunette agent. He can almost feel her cower away from the mans inquisitive gaze. 

Reid narrows his eyes. This is the second time that someone has specifically mistaken Emily for someone else and both of them are members of the FDNY. Coincidence? ... Maybe

“Can I help you?” Hotch interjects standing in front of the man who’s still attempting to get a better look at his agent. 

“Ah no sir I just thought that looked like a friend of mine.”

“This is Agent Prentiss with the FBI.” Reid says having already said this exact phrase only days before. 

The man nods sheepishly, rubbing his neck in embarrassment. 

“Right. Sorry. I-it’s just you really look like her. Wow. Um of course. Sorry again Miss.” he nods to them all before turning away. 

Shaking away the confrontation, the group continue back on their journey in silence. 

Hmm, Reid thinks making sure to get that name into his head. Emma Carlton, He muses. Maybe he should do some looking into her. 

None of the 6 highly trained agents notice the furious gaze focused on the retreating back of Emily’s head.


	14. Rule #13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ⚠️ TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️ 
> 
> Please be aware of the following:
> 
> This chapter deals with flashbacks of Emily’s past including severe mentions of domestic violence. Please, if this could possibly trigger you, don’t read. 
> 
> I have not personally been in this situation so if it is off or wrong please let me know so I can make a more authentic writing in the future. I hope you’re all staying safe. 
> 
> If you know anyone, or are in a situation where you feel you are experiencing DV, all it takes is one phone call to someone you trust. Please stay safe. 
> 
> Love Bre <3

Don’t Fall Asleep

_ The sound of his boots at the front door startled her. He wasn’t supposed to be back for another 2 hours. Dinner wasn’t ready yet and just the thought of his reaction to that makes her heart race painfully in her chest.  _

_ She makes quick eye contact with Lily and drops to her knees in front of her little girl who’s own eyes have gone wide, her grip on her marker going tight.  _

_ “Remember what we talked about baby?” _

_ The little girl nods into her mother’s shoulder. “Eyes down. Quiet.” _

_ “That’s right my sweet girl. You did perfect.” She tucks a strand of the girls raven locks behind her ear, the strands curling naturally like hers used to before he decided that he liked her hair better straight. She doesn’t fight him on it anymore. Now her hair is perpetually straightened.  _

_ She hears keys in the door and gives Lily a quick kiss on the forehead before she sends the toddler up to her room.  _

_ She stands straight up, moving quickly to the front room where he expects her to be waiting for him like the dutiful wife she is.  _

_ Even after all these years, the sound of the door opening still startles her when it comes to him. He has a way of doing things so incredibly harsh, even just opening the door.She drops her head down in submission, her hands folding behind her back just the way he likes. She’s already going to be in trouble for not having dinner ready, she doesn’t need to anger him more.  _

_ “Hey Em.” The scruffy man tiredly rubs his neck. He’s looks worn down but still decent. His hair is a tan brown colour, messily shoved about like he’d just ruffled his fingers through it. He has Piercing green eyes and a full handsome smile. He’s also got the beginnings of beard as if he’d missed shaving for a few days. Nothing too bad, it’s the style right now. _

_ She doesn’t make a sound. Sometimes he doesn’t want to hear her voice, sometimes it earns her an extra slap.  _

_ He chuckles lightly. “What no kiss?” _

_ Quickly she moves to follow his subtle command. Peppering a lifeless kiss to his lips to appease him.  _

_ He shrugs out of his jacket and drops his bag to the floor.  _

_ “The house looks good Babe. Did you vacuum?” _

_ She nods. He often does that. Compliments something he notices. He knows that she yearns for his praise for approval. _

_ “I didn’t realize you’d be back so soon.” She says quietly, wondering idly what her daughter is getting into upstairs. _

_ “I came home early to see you silly.” He grins. “It’s been forever that we’ve gotten some alone time.” _

_ “Right of course. That makes sense. I was just trying to get some work done.” She shuffles her feet awkwardly still not lifting her head.  _

_ “Come on angel.” He insists walking into further into the house. “That can wait for later.” _

_ “I-I have things I need to do David. Maybe we can do that later?” She knows exactly what he wants and she can feel the panic pooling in the pit of her stomach. He wants it more and more lately. He wants her.  _

_ Without realizing it, she’d continued to move backwards as he’d come closer to her and before she knows it, he’s backed her into a corner. Her shoulder makes contact with the wall behind her even as he continues closer. She’s flush against the wall when he stops, his face just inches from hers.  _

_ “Baby. Come on, don’t be like this. You know you want to.”  _

_ His hand reaches up to caress her toned stomach through her T-shirt. She hisses ever so slightly when he kneads the flesh there. Only yesterday he’d thrown her into the upstairs railing, leaving a mighty bruise halfway across her left hip towards her navel.  _

_ “David I uh...please.” Her breathing picks up. Her chest heaving.  _

_ “I know baby. I know you want it. No need to plead with me.”  _

_ She gasps softly when his knee presses painfully between her legs. She knows that he’s going to take what he wants whether she agrees to it or not. Her mind flashes to Lily playing with her dolls upstairs.  _

_ "Oh baby, no need for tears. I'm here now." She hadn’t even realized that a few teas had slipped from her eyes. His hands continue to explore her battered body, his knee grinding painfully still between her legs. She can feel a hardness growing and pushing against her leg. A sob attempts to claw its way from her throat.  _

_ "Please don't." She whispers. "please." She wriggles away from his hands.  _

_ He sighs. "Em," he says a little more firmly. _

_ "Not now David. Lily is upstairs.” She doesn’t want to play that card especially if he decides to turn it around on her but she doesn’t see another option.  _

_ He gets closer once again pushes his body up against hers. She swallows down her panic. She knows any movements to get away will only anger him. His fingers clench around her left hip digging into the swollen flesh. He smirks when she attempts to quell an involuntary flinch of pain. She shivers in fear as her brown eyes meet his green. Something sadistic sliding into his gaze. _

_ “You don’t talk to me that way... Baby.” He draws the final word out like he’s in possession of her. She’s just a toy that is there for him to use and throw away when he’s finished. A marionette that he plays with until he cuts her strings and leaves her broken.  _

_ She glances down, her breath coming out in short gasps. His hand is now clamped around her wrist so tightly she can feel the cold seeping into her fingers.  _

_ "You're hurting me." _

_ "I wouldn’t have to hurt you if you’d just listen to me Em. I don’t want to. You force me to.” _

_ Stupidly, she knows and later beats herself up for it, she protests.  _

_ “But I-“  _

_ Her words are cut short when a sickening slap echoes in the air. Angry bright red finger marks already appearing on her flesh.  _

_ A feral growl escapes his lips, "You do not talk back to me!” He slams her back into the wall. Her head cracking sickeningly off the drywall.  _

_ Before she has a chance to say anything back to him, he drops her to the floor not bothering to help her up before he’s in the fridge and popping open the lid of a beer.  _

_ “What did you make me for dinner?” _

_ A cold sweat breaks out over her entire body. She’d never really believed it when anyone in horror novels had described fear being like a rush of ice flooding her veins and chilling her down to her bones and yet here she is, that exact feeling making her tremble.  _

_ “I. You got home early...”  _

_ It had been a while since she’d seen that level of rage in his eyes.  _

_ A wheeze escapes her throat as his foot connects with her ribs. She hears them snap under the force. She pants from a lack of breath as he continues with his assault on her body. She curls up as tightly as possible realizing that he’d pushed her into the fetal position once again.  _

_ “I am your husband. You do not disrespect me! I expect dinner to be ready and on the table when I get home from a long day of work! I work hard to provide for this family. The least you could do is make fucking dinner!” He punctuates almost each word with a different blow. “Do you understand me?!”  _

_ Her head is spinning, black dots dance across her eyes.  _

_ “I SAID, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME YOU WORTHLESS WHORE?!”  _

_ She nods frantically, a faint wisp of a word leaving her lips. _

_ He huffs. His anger instantly leaving his body. “Good girl. I told you that I don’t want to hurt you. Now...” he stands her up. Her knees buckle and the dizziness almost causes her to fall but he catches her. “Where were we?” He whispers softly in her ear, a smile growing on his face. _

_ She feels sick to her stomach, the nausea almost threatens to overwhelm her when she feels his hand move lower and lower until he unzips her jeans and slips a hand inside her underwear- _

  
  


A silent scream tears itself from deep within her. Her body shooting up from her seat like a rocket as painful gasping breaths fight to get oxygen into her deprived body. Sweat lingers on her forehead and sticks her shirt to her back. 

When her eyes finally opens and her breathing slows down, she notices the concerned gazes of her colleagues all around her. Her heart rate speeds back up again as she lies back down again, closes her eyes and pretends that her friends aren’t silently profiling her.

All she wants to do right now is go home and cuddle her daughter close to her chest, maybe spill a few tears after she’s fast asleep and then pass out into a dreamless oblivion. 


	15. Rule #14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is 4 AM.
> 
> That is all I have to say.

Sleep Doesn’t Always Help

She opens the front door as quietly as possible knowing that Kelly is probably passed out on the couch and from experience, Emily knows that she’s also most likely covered in law textbooks and practice case files for school. 

Her body feels like lead. She honestly doesn’t think she’s felt this exhausted and horrible since their first night In D.C. She distinctly remembers putting Lily to bed on the mattress that had yet to have a frame. The little girl had cried for the first time in over a year. She’d learned early on that crying only got you yelled at. Her tiny body wracked with sobs, Emily had cried along with her as her body attempted to envelop the child and force the feeling of safety into her. 

When Lily had finally cried herself into a fitful sleep, her mother had practically peeled herself from her small but incredibly tight grip and stood. She grabbed the closest pillow, marched into the bathroom, turned the shower on, then the faucet in the sink as well and screamed bloody murder into the pillow before completely breaking down. 

Emily blinks heavily as she attempts to shut her front door without it squeaking. She locks the 3 top locks before bolting the door with the chain shut knowing that Kelly would just spend the rest of the night because according to her watch it is 3:48 AM. 

Once the locks are all shut and checked over, multiple times, Emily finally allows her shoulders to drop. She feels her heart drop as the misery settles into her body and makes a home in the pit of her stomach. 

The team wouldn’t stop staring at her after she’d woken up from that horrible nightmare. She could feel their pitying looks burning into the back of her head as she refused to turn around or acknowledge any of their concern. Thank god, only Morgan could truly guess what she was dreaming about, the others most likely assuming it was about the case. 

She drops her keys into the bowl on the side table by the door before she drops her purse and go bag like a dead weight just inside the room. She kicks her boots off, barely recognizing where they land and then subsequently tripping over them a moment later. 

Sergio shoots like a bullet out of her room and straight at her legs, Emily only seeing the glint of his bright eyes in the pitch black of the house. 

She bends down to give him a pet before she bypasses her bedroom and shuffles dead on her feet into the living room, seeing exactly what she knew would be there. Kelly sprawled our on her couch, fast asleep, with a blanket and a law textbook that Emily swears weighs 50 pounds, open on her chest. 

The young woman had been an absolute life saver when the run away pair had moved in almost 4 years ago. The now 23 year old woman had been 19 and living on her own when Emily and Lily had quickly and as quietly as possible, moved in beside her. Kelly’s mom had died when she was 13 and left her with an alcoholic father and his verbally abusive new wife. As soon as the girl has turned 18 she was out of his house and on her own. When Emily first met her, the girl was working herself to death with 3 jobs attempting to make rent. She was bordering on anorexic when she’d literally stumbled into the brunette as she tried to unlock her door. The entire situation being so incredibly unacceptable to the mother, Emily had picked up the keys from the girls shaking hand, unlocked the door and practically forced the girl into bed. From then on, the mother would make sure that Kelly ate, slept and got her homework done while the young blonde would pay her back with babysitting. 

The agent rolls her eyes fondly, snaking the textbook from the girl and gently placing it on the coffee table so that Kelly could find it easily in the morning. She then turns back around and grabs the pillow off the armchair in the corner, tucking it under the young woman’s head and pulling the blanket higher under her chin. She smooths back her straight blonde hair and kisses her forehead before straightening herself back up and moving slowly into Lily’s bedroom across the hall. 

She truly only means to check in just to make sure that her little girl is safe, but seeing her wrapped in her blankets with her tiny foot peeking out of her comforter and her arm outstretched towards her stuffed dog lying on the ground having fallen out of her hands, she can’t bring herself to leave. 

The brunette quietly sneaks into the room, grabs the animal from the floor and as quickly as her tired body lets her, steps over the child to get into the bed beside her. As if knowing her mother is there, the little girl curls into Emily’s body heat. 

The agent sighs heavily, a tear spilling down her cheek now that her baby girl is in her arms. She gently runs her fingers through her daughters wavy hair, smiling when she feels the girl burrow closer into her embrace.

“I love you so much bug,” she whispers into the darkness of the early morning. 

“Mommy?”

Emily startles slightly not expecting Lily to have awoken. “Yeah, I’m here baby.”

“You ‘k?”

A watery chuckle escapes her lips. “Yeah bug I’m ok.”

“K.” 

After a few moments of silence with Emily still running gentle fingers through wavy black hair, Lily speaks again. 

“You seep ‘ow Mommy.” It takes the agent a moment to decipher the words of the half asleep child but smiles when she does. 

“Yes sweet girl. I’m going to sleep now.” She scoots down into a lying position in the bed, fully expecting it when Lily drops her head into her mother’s stomach and curls into her side. 

“Uve oo Mommy.” She mumbles unintelligibly. 

Emily laughs softly, tears still spilling down her cheeks. “I love you too baby girl.”

And try as she might, Emily does not fall asleep that night. She lays awake, staring at the ceiling, imagining pictures come to life from the pattern above her. 

She knows that this is going to be a reoccurring theme.


	16. Screw The Rules

She’d come in that day and he knew from there that something had happened. 

They’d gotten back from New York 7 days previously and were immediately given the week off by Strauss, something that all of them were incredibly grateful for, none more than Emily it seemed. 

So to see her there now, especially that early, it couldn’t be good. 

Hotch strides into the BAU bullpen, the first one of the team there unsurprisingly. His week with Jack had been wonderful and he’s in a good mood to start of the new work week. On his way to through the bullpen towards his office he stops, catching a glimpse of the brunette staring off into space. He knows something’s been bothering her. It was evident the entire time they’d been in New York. 

He walks cautiously up behind his agent.

"Prentiss?" She jumps a mile in the air. She wipes away a few escaped tears and clears her throat before turning to face him.

"Oh Hotch.” He can see the second she throws her walls back up. Her expression closes off and her eyes harden. “I didn't realize that you were here." She's still nervous he can tell. It's the remnants of tears on her cheeks that really worry him.

"Are you alright?" 

"I'm fine.” She answers abruptly. “Thank you."

"Emi-" she cuts him off

"What time is it?" She asks changing the subject 

He sighs recognizing one of her coping mechanisms. "It's 7:19 how long have you been here Prentiss?"

"Um. 6?"

He nods not knowing what else to say. He may be a hard ass but he cares about his people. "Well. You remember our agreement. You can come to me with any problems. We all have those bad days." He tells her gently before walking off to his office. 

Shortly after the rest of the team start to trickle in. 

She doesn't say a word. To any of them. It freaks Morgan out when he asks her a question and blank eyes meet his. He blinks and they're gone. Back are her normal beautiful brown eyes but he can see that their lacking that certain warmth that they usually have. The change so fast that he almost believes that he imagined it. Almost. 

“Em-“

“Don’t Derek.” She says sharply. She knows where he’s going with this. “Just don’t” 

She can feel all of their eyes lingering on her when she spaced out during the morning briefing that day. Then the next day, and then the next. 

They all attempt to corner her a random points, almost as if they’d made an unspoken agreement to catch her at times when she’s her most vulnerable. Bathroom breaks where Garcia pleads with her, at the end of the day where Morgan and Hotch tag team her, on the jet where Reid asks to play a game of chess to slowly suss out what she’s thinking and JJ, sweet JJ who just stares at her sadly from across the room when she doesn’t think Emily’s looking. 

She doesn't speak unless asked a question. Her smile doesn't reach her eyes and her laugh sounds fake. They can all tell that she isn’t getting any sleep. There are bags under her eyes that she attempts to cover with makeup and they’ve all noticed that her headaches are worse and are coming more frequently.

Derek is scared. He’s scared for his best friend and he’s scared for her little girl. He can tell that she's forcing herself to be okay. All throughout the next week he finds himself wanting to slap her. Force her to bring the real Emily back. He doesn’t though, He just stays silent.

Hotch is concerned. There is something up with his agent. She’s been tense, she doesn’t think that anyone notices that she subtlety finds every point of exit no matter where they go. Her eyes wander a bit too much for his liking and she flinches when any noises become loud or anyone gets too close to her personal space. Strauss is riding his ass attempting to once again get his team in for psych evaluations and he finds himself reluctant to submit the brunette agent to anyone she isn’t familiar with. If this continues he’s going to be forced to make her take some time off. His other agents are also responding to her differentiating moods. He’d never realized how much one part of the family could affect the others. JJ hardly comes out of her office, after Emily had snapped at her for asking how she was, the blonde almost seems heartbroken. Reid is quiet, way too quiet. His trio of agents down in the bullpen are hardly communicating and his youngest agent is becoming withdrawn and not spouting his facts at any given time. Morgan seems to have lost his playfulness and now there appears to be a permanent frown etched on his face. Garcia is sad, her sparkle seems to have dulled. With Morgan not playing with her anymore the technical analyst spends most of her time in her lair by herself instead of hanging around with JJ and the three in the bullpen. Then there is Rossi. If you don’t look too closely he doesn’t seem affected by anything but Hotch can see it. He can see it in his slow movements and pained expression, the way he closes the blinds to his office that he’d never closed before. Hotch knows that Rossi had been Emily’s confidant on the team. He’d been the one she’d go to when she’d had a problem. The team leader notices the hurt that his most senior agent buries deep when she doesn’t come to him now. 

Emily is shutting them all out. And whether they know it or not, it’s breaking their family apart.


	17. Derek

Derek

What am I supposed to do?

Everything was ok. Well not ok per say but fine. She was dealing well enough. Or at least I thought she was. I know that she wasn’t ok in New York and I’m pissed off that I didn’t confront her then. 

She was quiet and then that guy right before we left really freaked her out. He recognized her. I think that sent her reeling. Her carefully organized compartments burst open and now she isn’t ok.

I haven’t been able to get her alone. I know she knows that if she’s around others then I won’t approach her. She’s shutting me out and she is not doing good.

She had a nightmare on the jet. A bad one too if her reaction had anything to say about it. She just says she’s tired but we all know better. I haven’t seen her or Lily since before New York and that was at least 2 weeks ago. 

She isn’t sleeping. I know that. She comes into work with bags under her eyes that even the makeup can’t touch. Her nails were completely chewed off and her hair was the straightest I’ve ever seen it. I don’t know if she notices but she only straightens her hair when she’s really stressed out. She told me once that he didn’t like her curly hair. I could sit here and profile her more but I don’t want to have to do that. 

I don’t know why she isn’t coming to me. Actually that’s not true. I do know why, I just wish she wouldn’t think that she has to deal with everything on her own. 

Not only Emily, Im worried for the little princess. I haven’t seen her but I know that this is effecting her mom so how is it effecting her? 

Don’t get me wrong i know that Em would rather go without 100% if that meant Lily was happy. I’m just wondering what she isn’t noticing. 

We’ve all be attempting to get her to talk to us. But now when she sees me at work and she’s alone, she heads straight to the women’s washroom where she knows I can’t follow. She’s avoiding me. 

I saw nothing in her eyes when she looked at me. I also shit myself in absolute terror. Her eyes were dead and My mind went to the worst places immediately. 

God Emily. I need you to come to me. I need you to let me in. I can help, just let me try


	18. Garcia

Garcia

I am so mad at her. 

My Gumdrop is hurting and she won’t let me help her. Doesn’t she know that we care about her? That we love her? In 4 short years she has become part of the family. 

I don’t understand why she thinks that we don’t care when she hurts. Because I know she’s hurting and she’s not coming to me or anyone for that matter. I couldn’t care less who she finally decides to talk to just the fact that she needs to talk. I don’t know what’s going on in my Raven haired Beauty’s head but I know it’s not good.

JJ is heartbroken. She thinks that just because she doesn’t talk about her feelings that no one else sees the yearning looks and doey eyes. That girl is about as subtle as my sugar lips at a chess competition. She is 100% madly in love with our gumdrop and having Emily avoid not only her but us all is really breaking JJ. I haven’t seen her come out of her office for anything but morning meetings in a week. 

I’m getting lonely all by myself too. Derek doesn’t come talk to me all that much anymore and it has something to do with Em. He knows something, of that I’m certain. I’m still trying to figure out how to weasel it out of him. I’ve already tried threatening to erase him from history. He’s not having it. 

G-man is concerned I can see that. Too many times I’ve seen him watching her as if he’s waiting for something bad to happen. You know that seems to happen a lot with Emily. It’s like everywhere we turn there’s a new secret of hers that she hasn’t told us. How many times have I waited near the phone to hear if everyone’s ok only to be told that Emily is once again in the hospital. Shot, stabbed, car accident you name it, it’s happened to her. She is like a magnet of bad luck. Why does the world want to punish my baby. What bad has she ever done?

I’m scared. I want everything to do back to normal. I want my man to call me and tease me over the phone. I want my beautiful blonde to come out of hiding and go back to sneaking looks at my other favourite girl when she doesn’t think anyone is looking. I want Hotch to be the strong silent type and not let me notice that he’s worried. I want my junior G-man to spout out a random fact when Derek hits him in the head with paper or have him explain more physics magic. I want Rossi to be the Grandpa again and come in from a night of romancing a new lady instead of a night of drinking over the fact that Em hasn’t come to him. I want to grab Emily by the shoulders and shake her so hard that her thoughts come pouring out of her mouth. 

Most of all, I want my family back


	19. Rossi

Rossi 

She came to me about what I thought was her biggest secret. I was there for her a time where she was so hurt and heartbroken over her friends death that she couldn’t think properly. I helped her with that. From then on, I’ve been the one she comes to when she needs someone to listen. She’s become like a daughter to me. Each member of the team have wormed their way into my cold dead heart but none like she has. I don’t know if it’s the way she needed me and that I could help or what but I worry about her. 

I don’t know much about Emily’s parents. I know as much as she told me. She told me that she stopped talking to her mother years ago and hasn’t attempted to contact her since. I don’t know if I believe that though. Something about the way in which she speaks about her mother makes me believe that they had actually been very close. She doesn’t talk about her father very much. In fact the only thing I ever heard about it, is that he was a very good father though they haven’t seen each other or talked in years. 

She holds so much back. So much of her is kept close to her heart sometimes to the point that I expect her to blow up. She doesn’t though. Somehow she knows how to regulate her emotions, take the personal and make it impersonal. She deflects and cuts people out. I thought that I was someone that she let in. 

I guess I was wrong. 

There is something big going on with her right at this moment and she isn’t coming to me. She isn’t coming to any of us. It is killing me to see her suffering In silence. I thought we had established that I am there to listen and not judge. Even Hotch has broken through some of those barriers and yet he’s getting nothing right along with me. 

I worry for her. Something happened in New York that shook her. I’m going to find out what.

I hope she knows that I’m always here if she needs me.


	20. Hotch

Hotch

Something is very wrong. 

Emily has always had a strong desire to prove herself. The entirety of the first year after she got the job with the BAU, she was always here before the rest of the team. Half of the time she was in the bullpen already taking notes and working on her paperwork before even I got here. That behaviour of hers slowly started to die out when she realized that we accepted her into the team flawlessly and she no longer had to prove her worth. I was actually glad that in the last year or so that she’s been late for work on a few occasions. It shows that she’s evolving with her confidence in the team. 

The fact that she started up that early behaviour again is worrisome. I can’t quite explain it. Her behaviour has changed exorbitantly. Nothing major that I know of has occurred with her but then again she has always been very private. It was like pulling teeth the first time I managed to get her to admit she was having a bad day. After that one discussion between us over 2 years ago, she hasn’t come to me since. Her change in behaviour has not only affected her but it’s affected the entire dynamic of the team. Morgan has expressed worry for her on multiple occasions. He mentioned that she isn’t smiling or sleeping. I noticed myself that she is wearing much more makeup around her eyes as if to cover dark circles. I know it’s a rule in the team not to profile each other but there are always exceptions to be made when one of us is obviously in distress.

She isn’t paying attention during our morning briefings and more than once, I’ve caught her forcing herself to stay awake when everyone else is passed out on the jet. It would make sense if she was having nightmares, this job is hard but I have never seen her react to anything in this fashion. She herself admits that she has excellent compartmentalization skills. 

Last week she made a mistake when we were giving a profile to local LEO’s In Boston. When we arrived back Washington, I had no choice but to make her take a sabbatical; a temporary leave of absence. Emily helped me incredibly so when Haley died, she was there to help out with Jack when I just needed a few hours with my thoughts, she offered to listen if I needed to talk. It helped me immensely and I had-had hope that I could return the favour. Unfortunately, she won’t answer anyone’s calls. 

Garcia, JJ, Derek and Reid have all been over to her house yet she won’t answer the door and all of us, myself included have called her multiple times over the last 7 days. She answers one of our calls everyday just so that we know she isn’t dead and from the one answer I myself have received from her, she doesn’t sound good. 

She sounds absolutely exhausted, I’m sure she isn’t sleeping. 

I am concerned for my Agents welfare and I am concerned for my friend. I’m not quite sure what to do in this particular situation. I don’t want to diagnose her because I can’t, but to me; someone who has gone through it, it sounds like a form of depression. 

My phone rings. With my blinds closed, I feel free to roll my eyes harshly. Strauss has been riding my ass for the last 2 weeks to have the team re-submit our psych evals. Hopefully after the length of time that I can extend it from happening, someone will have gotten through to Emily. 

If Garcia’s insatiable charm and optimism can’t get through to her, I’m not sure what can.


	21. JJ

JJ

She’s avoiding me. 

You know I expected after we spent the entire night practically cuddling in New York that it would be slightly awkward between us. I know Emily and I knew she would act distant from me until she got over the feeling. I didn’t expect this though. I don’t know what’s happened. 

We were fine, she was fine and then one day it was like a flip had switched and she’s gone. All the progress that she’s made with the team and that we’ve made with her is like it’s been erased. She is closed off again and secretive. She doesn’t want to talk or emote at all. 

I can understand her not noticing me. It’s been years and I’m still pining after her like a love sick puppy. She didn’t notice. And to be honest, I never really expected her to. Then New York happened and I thought wow, she does see me, she maybe does feel like I do. And now nothing. This is an entirely different ballgame. It’s like she forgot that we spent the night practically on top of each other. I knew from the moment that I woke up and she was gone that she wouldn’t want to talk about it and once again, she was back to not noticing me.

I don’t understand what’s happened though. I want my friend back. I can live with us not being anything more, I can live with her never knowing my feelings as long as I can still have her in my life. She’s never snapped at me before but about a week ago I asked her how she was doing because to be completely truthful, she looked like shit. I asked her how she was and she freaked on me. Just a quick why do you care, leave me alone JJ but it was enough. I thought she liked having me around. I didn’t realize that I’m annoying to her. 

Even after all of that I just want to be around her. She has a smile that lights up the entire room. I swear that her smile is like magic. When she smiles so does everyone else. It’s mushy and sappy and completely ludicrous but I fell so hard for her. I can pinpoint exactly when it was too. The Hankel case. Reid was abducted and I was falling apart, tearing myself apart from the guilt. She stayed with me. She kept my mind off the guilt and reassured me. She held my hand when she barely knew me. She was there. But I knew that I couldn’t have her. Not only is is against the rules but she’s so straight. Never once has she given an inkling that she could be gay. Then again, neither have I. I mean look where we are. I’m living with my son and the man who is my husband in all but title. Shit my life is screwed up.

Anyway it doesn’t even matter anymore because she won’t talk to me. She won’t look at me. What the hell am I supposed to do. She’s hurting and normally when that happens she comes and crashes on my couch for a few houses while we bitch, pig out on ice cream, drink wine and watch bad tv. I will admit that I may or may not look at her a little too long but no one can blame me for smiling when she falls asleep. She’s adorable really, not that I’d ever tell her that. Actually if anyone told her that she’d probably shoot them. 

God, totally off topic JJ. 

Anyway. I just want my Emily back.

Stop. She’s not yours. She’s never going to be yours. 

Shit.


	22. Reid

Reid 

She isn’t acting like herself. 

I should know. I know everything about the team. I know everybody and everything about them. I know JJ grew up in East Allegheny, Pennsylvania. She spent her childhood at 128 Trillia St. until she was 19 and moved out to attend the University of Pittsburgh. I know Morgan grew up in Chicago and that his father died when he was 13; March 2nd. He was 10 lbs 7 oz when he was born at 11:38 PM on June 6th. Hotch was married on October 7th to Hailey and jack was born on September 18th at 3:49 AM, weighing in at 7 lbs and 2 oz. Garcia rode horses as a child and even competed with her horse Buttercup until Buttercup died and she lost all motivation to continuing riding. Her parents both died in a car accident on June 14th when she was only 15. Rossi is 67. He is 5’11 and 3/4. He weighs 156.2 pounds. His favourite colour is Burgundy red and he likes to pretend that he’s not famous even though he lives in a mansion. 

Then there’s Emily. I know her birthday, her height and weight. I can tell you that she’s partial to sweet instead of salty snacks and that she absolutely hates the smell of gasoline. I know that she licks her lips when she’s nervous and picks her nails when she’s stressed. Morgan teases me saying that I don’t notice things about people but I do. I do when it comes to her and my friends. I’ve seen her shot, I’ve seen her stabbed, I’ve even seen her when a 2 by 4 struck her in the head. I’ve seen her laugh and I’ve felt her blood on my hands. But I don’t know her. 

I don’t know what her favourite colour is. I don’t know her past or her history. I don’t know if she’s in a relationship or ever been in love. When was the last time she saw her parents?Has she ever seen a magic show of been to the Petergof Palaces in Russia? 

I sigh, dropping my head down into my hands. I don’t know what’s happened. She’s always been a private person that much is very clear. She doesn’t talk about her personal life or very often come out with us after cases. Lately she’s been completely exhausted you can see it in her posture and the way she holds herself. She doesn’t smile anymore and she rarely makes eye contact. 

Hotch forced her to take a sabbatical and now none of us can get her to open her door. I think she might be depressed but I don’t know why. She won’t talk to us. Anyone, not even Garcia can get her talking and that woman has a gift. My call was the one that got through to her yesterday. She was tired, I could hear it in her voice. Someone chattered away in the background but I assumed it was just the TV. I don’t know how to help her. We’re all worried and frankly I’m a bit scared. 

That all started in New York. I know it did. That paramedic thought she was someone else and she froze up. Her behaviour changed that day. Then that fireman. He thought he recognized her too. Both times it wasn’t Emily that corrected them. 

Emma.

Cartlon.

Emma Carlton. 

I’ve written that name over and over. Despite having an eidetic memory, I still felt the need to write it out. Something about the way she reacted to both of those names and the fact that both people worked in the Emergency Services. It’s too much to be a coincidence. 

I boot up my ancient computer, itching to go down to the library to do some credible archival research but I’ll have to stick with Google for now no matter how inaccurate it can be. Don’t even get me started on Wikipedia. It is not credible. It is very hardly rigorously peer edited. 

I type slowly. As fast as I can read, typing has never been my strong suit. Add to the fact that I’m worried about my friend, I cut myself some slack. The thing is, she isn’t just a friend to me. I’ve never had siblings. As much as I love my mother I wouldn’t ever want to submit another child to the adolescence I had. I used to watch as parents picked up their children from school. I remember a kid in my grade 11 class. He had 6 older brothers. Most of the time I enjoyed being alone but there were the rare times I wanted an older sibling to help when the older kids would put tomato sauce in my locker or leave tacks and gum on my chair. 

Emily is almost like that older sibling. She is the closest thing I will ever have to an older sister. It scares me that she’s not doing alright. We can all see it. 

The first few results from the name pop up as Facebook and Twitter profiles. It’s when the name in tandem with NYPD pops up that I click on that link. 

I read the entire page in less than 10 seconds before I come upon a photograph. Actually it’s not a photograph. It’s a poster of some kind. 

Emily ‘Emma’ Carlton. Wanted for kidnapping of a minor.

I read it again. It’s Wanted Ad. 

Emma had fled in the night with her 3 year old daughter leaving behind a grief stricken husband. This was 4 years ago. 

Emily joined the bureau 4 years ago. Those people thought she was Emma. The picture is of Emily and a little girl who looks exactly like her. 

Emily is Emma.

Emily has a daughter.

Emily kidnapped that child. 

My fingers still. My sister is a felon.


	23. Dying

_ Harry Potter riding on the shoulders of the Hulk while the TARDIS zips by in the background. _

She giggles then blinks and the ceiling once again becomes the familiar off-white slightly textured nothingness that it is once again. She doesn’t see anything in it anymore.

This little game had become one of her favourites in the short amount of time it took her to go absoluetley insane. 3 weeks since New York. She hasn’t slept. She can’t. Every single time she closes her eyes, memories that she thought she’d buried deep down in her unbreakable compartments burst out into the forefront of her mind. They leave her gasping for breath and weeping uncontrollably like a child. 

Instead now she lies in bed and just stares up at the ceiling. Hotch had forced her to take time off without actually telling her when she’s allowed to come back. A week and a half later she’s only heard voicemails from him since she refuses to answer her phone. She had been answering them for a little while. Just one person per day, whoever called first, she’d answer and tell them yes she’s fine. Then she’d hang up. She stopped that now. 

She isn’t quite sure what’s she’s doing right now could be considered fine. Half the time she isn’t actually sure if she’s alive or not. 

The only thing she can be entirely sure of is Lily. This little girl is a constant light spot in her heart. Each moment that the little girl giggles or cuddles close to share her body heat is a moment that Emily knows she’s still living. 

Kelly has been a godsend. Since the agent was forced on a sabbatical, the young woman had been taking Kelly to and from school hoping that the extra time with her daughter might perk Emily up. To be honest, it’s the only thing that does make her smile anymore. When Lily isn’t there she just lays in bed all day, never actually sleeping. Kelly once or twice has had to literally force Emily to drink something. 

She realizes that it’s pretty bad that she hasn’t gotten any sleep. Reid rambling about hallucinations and stuff flits through her mind but she can’t quite concentrate enough to care. 

She giggles loudly to herself. A funny little song springs to mind from a movie that she’d seen back in Rome with Matthew and John. 

_ 1, 2, Freddy’s coming after you. _

The song plays through her mind as she continues to giggle. She thinks she might have finally lost it.

Her Freddy probably knows about her now. Anderson and Cole has seen her. They recognized her right away. Both of them within the span of a few days, he’s bound to know.

Emily shivers though she doesn’t feel the cold. Her body feels numb. They’d both been told her name and place of employment. If he’s been told, it’s only a matter of time before he comes to get her.

_9, 10, never sleep again_.

That sounds about right.


	24. Secrets Unraveled

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy Hell guys, I’m still alive I swear! 
> 
> I’m so sorry if you thought I’d abandoned this sorry. I suddenly lost all inspiration I had and wasn’t sure what to do. I recently got a new job and that’s kept me super busy so I had less time to write. 
> 
> It’s honestly been months since I’ve written anything and maybe now I’ve been finally struck with inspiration so here is the next chapter and I’m really hoping to get this story going in the right place again. 
> 
> Lots of love, Bre <3

It’s been almost three weeks of radio silence from Emily. More than once have JJ and Garcia gone together begging her to open her door or at least answer her phone since the brunette had decided to stop picking up. Both Hotch and Rossi have come by once or twice and continue to call her a few times a week. There isn’t really much they can do. Reid has been systematically avoiding everyone since his revelation a week earlier. He’s been attempting to work though it all on his own. Obviously something happened with Emily in New York and this child that she’s been accused of kidnapping is her daughter. If there are wanted posters out for her arrest, he can understand why she hadn’t told them about the child. That doesn’t necessarily mean that He’s any less hurt that she hadn’t said anything though. Almost 4 times, the genius really truly contemplated telling Derek about everything he found but he always held himself back. Emily has hid it from them for a reason. He intends to do as much logical research into it as possible before he goes to his team about it. 

Speaking of Derek, the man has taken to coming by almost every night, knocking on her door and just letting her know that he’s there. He spends the entire night camped outside her door so much that the residents have come to greet him now when he comes by. He gets all of his information from Kelly who is the only one that Emily is letting in only because she needs someone to take her daughter to school. The young woman is worried about the brunette tremendously. 

No one is coping well. 

-

It’s the third night this week that Will had stormed out of the house in anger after one of their fights. Henry spent an hour crying for daddy and not for the first time JJ is contemplating telling him not to come back. He’s never really been a very warm person or a connected father. He keeps Henry at arms length and even she has a hard time getting though to him sometimes. She knows they’re through, he does too, that’s what their latest fight was about. He wanted to know why she wouldn’t let him touch her anymore and sure enough they both came to realize that they just don’t love each other. She’s not sure she ever really has, as horrible as it sounds Will was just there when she knew she couldn’t have Emily. That somewhat civil conversation moved into the ‘you need to spend more time with your kid’ and he got defensive. So now she’s sitting in front of the TV furiously contemplating her life while haphazardly folding laundry and throwing it down on the table in front of her. 

She is so angry. What the hell is wrong with everyone right now?! 

Emily has fallen off the face of the Earth and it’s so assholish of her not to realize that her friends are going crazy not knowing if she’s even alive? Is she even still in Washington? Who the hell knows!

Then Reid is avoiding everyone like the plague. She knows he’s never been the most social person but this is an extreme even for him. He acts like he’s got a secret that if you even make eye contact with him, he’ll spill it and that will somehow destroy the world or something. It’s getting so tedious to watch him start to say something and then suddenly clam up. If he knows something important he should share with the class. 

The ringing of the phone interrupts her stewing. 

“What,” she snaps, harsher than she intended to. She takes a deep breath, furrowing her brows when she receives no reply.

“Hello?”

She can just make out someone sniffling on the other line. Someone’s crying. She takes the phone from her ear and checks the caller ID. Her heart leaps into her throat. “Emily.” She practically whispers, her voice hoarser than she means it to be.

The crying comes through louder this time. “Emily? Are you ok?”

The sobs pause momentarily as a small voice begins to speak. It’s a... child? 

“I need help.” 

Her heart is still beating erratically in her chest and her mind is running a mile a minute. An upset child has Emily’s phone somehow? She can’t think about the logistics right now because there’s a crying little girl on the other line who just said she needed help.

“Sweetheart, my name is JJ, I’m with the... police. Do you want to tell me what’s going on?” She tries to keep it soft and less urgent than she’s feeling.

“JJ that mommy works with.” The child answers, her tears making it hard to understand.

“What?”

“JJ is mommy’s best frien’. She p‘tects mommy from bad guys.” The little girl says this back to her as if she’s reciting something she’d memorized.

Slowly the facts are slipping into place.

“What’s your name sweetheart?”

“Lily Elizabeth Prentiss.”

JJ’s chest constricts painfully. Holy shit. 

“Emily is your mom?”

The sobs grow louder again. “She won’t wake up!”

Wait. What?! She internally panics and her heart skips several beats she swears. Quick as a flash she’s up off the couch and reaching for her car keys before she remembers Henry is upstairs.

Shit. She doesn’t have time to call Will back or get a sitter. 

As she’s running up the stairs she goes back to the scared child. “Lily, what’s happening? Did your mommy bump her head?”

She finds Henry sleeping peacefully in his bed and hates the idea of waking him up after his upset earlier but she has no choice.

“No. She won’t get outta bed and she was reading me a story and then she wouldn’t talk anymore. I tried to call Uncle Derek but he didn’t pick up and I’m scared. Kelly’s at school and I called you cause you p’tect mommy and mommy p’tects you.”

Derek knew?! She’s going to fry his ass when she finally gets her hands on him. A surge of protectiveness rises in her chest when she thinks of a small Emily scared and crying over her moms unresponsive body. Fuck, Emily is unresponsive. She heaves a half asleep Henry into her arms and rushes back down the stairs. 

“Babydoll,” the nickname slips out accidentally but she doesn’t have time to think on it. “I’m on my way, can you unlock your door for me, I’m going to call an ambulance and they might be there first ok?”

“Kay,” the voice is so small. 

She’s got her sleeping son In his car seat in a matter of seconds and 5 more after that she’s racing down the street. While she may not be on duty, she switches on the mirror mounted police lights she has for emergency’s. She’s only 10 minutes away from Emily’s apartment but with the light she’ll make it in 5.

She lets the child know that’s she’s hanging up momentarily to call 911 and once she’s finished she calls right back. 

She has the little girl keep taking to her and tell her about if her mommy’s chest is moving or if she can hear her breathing. Thankfully, it is but JJ can’t wait to get there and see for herself. 

Holy fucking hell. Emily has a daughter that Derek knows about. Is this what has her so scared? 

She’s hopefully going to find out soon.


	25. Dead Of The Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s the next chapter loves and a great big thank you to my new Beta, herfictionalpalace! You’re amazing to chat ideas through with and I thank you for helping me with my many grammatical errors!

JJ zips into the apartment’s parking lot as quick as she possibly can and for a split second she’s afraid that her tires will skid and she’ll end up in the ambulance beside Emily. That thought leaves her mind as quickly as it entered as she spots the flashing red and blue lights and the blaring alarm of the ambulance parked outside. The sound of wheels running along asphalt catches her attention and her trembling hands can’t unlock the doors fast enough. Her heart pounds against her chest, the force of it she swears is enough to crack a rib. Her frantic movements halt abruptly as she takes in the paramedic running behind the gurney; a miniature Emily in his arms. Leaving Henry’s form still slumbering, JJ finally whips open the door and sprints across the parking lot.

“Emily?!” She calls, her voice cracking slightly.

One of the paramedics stops her before she can reach the prone form of the brunette. “Ma’am, we’re taking her to the hospital.”

“I-is she ok?” She struggles to get past him but he blocks her advances.

“She is showing extreme signs of exhaustion and dehydration. It is best for her to be admitted quickly. We should leave now.”

“But I-“ she trails off watching them hoist her into the ambulance. “I’m- I have her power of attorney.” She thanks god that the team had yet to change that back after she took the profiler job in lieu of her previous liaison posting.

“Ok sure. We will be sending her to the nearest hospital. Meet us at Bethesda,” he says offhandedly as another hands her the trembling child before hopping into the back of the bus.

Sensing the warmth of the woman in the cold of the night, Lily snuggles in close to JJ’s chest, her cold hands automatically curling around handfuls of blonde hair.

JJ stands there momentarily, speechless as her best friend is rushed away by ambulance and a child that she didn’t know existed is crying into her chest. Her mind jolts into awareness. There’s a small child who’s scared out of her mind and right now her only comfort is JJ.

Bright blue orbs turn to find large brown doe eyes peering back shyly, rivulets of salty tears streaking her cheeks. The blonde’s chest tightens. She looks just like Emily. A tiny, scared Emily.

Her hand cradles the back of the girl’s head, and clutches her tightly to her chest, offering up as much warmth as her body can give in the freezing darkness. She shakes her head and makes her way quickly back to the car where her own slumbering child still lays. She’s so thankful that Henry is a deep sleeper.

The FBI agent thanks her lucky stars that she’s been planning a trip to the thrift store with a lot of Henry’s old things and just so happens to have an old car seat in her truck. It’s perfect for the girl as she’s much smaller than Henry. All JJ can imagine is her best friend as a child; it’s like looking into a mirror of the past.

Once they’re on the road to the hospital, The agent assesses whether or not she should call the rest of the team. Emily has to have had a reason for keeping such a huge secret from her family. Except for the fact that Morgan knows. He knows and he never said anything. Why though? Why would Emily keep such a massive secret from them? She has a daughter who can’t be more than 5 or 6, meaning she was very young when Emily accepted the job with the BAU. A bitter taste lingers at the back of her throat at the thought that Emily kept secrets of this magnitude from her. She thought they were closer than that. They’re best friends...aren’t they?

She peers through the rear view mirror to see that Henry had awoken and now had his hand clenched around Lily’s. JJ remembers for that first time that she’d met the young girl before at the bureau daycare. She and Henry had become fast friends after she’d punched out a bully. She still laughs about that sometimes, the girl is only 6 years old. She wipes away a stray tear as she turns her attention back to the road. So much like Emily.

They arrive at the hospital a couple minutes behind the ambulance, the hands of the two young children clenched tightly within JJ’s own as she races into the hospital headed for the nurses station.

“Can I help you?”

JJ knows she must look a frantic mess with her bloodshot eyes and her hair splayed everywhere after running her fingers through it all night after Will left. It feels like forever ago that she’d been mad at him and now the only emotion dominating is fear.

“Emily Prentiss, she was just brought in by ambulance.” She shifts anxiously.

The red-headed nurse just smiles at her kindly and types something into the computer.

“The doctors are attending to her now. If you could wait right over there in the waiting room, someone will be by to talk to you shortly.”

JJ slaps her ID badge down on the desk. “I’m a federal agent and so is Agent Prentiss, I need information.”

The woman’s kind expression doesn’t falter despite her hostility and she just continues to smile. “I’m sorry Agent, there is no information yet. You’re going to need to wait. I can escort you to a more private waiting area if you prefer,” she nods down to the two children who are having a hard time keeping their eyes open.

JJ sighs, exhausted tears springing into her eyes as she nods her head. The trio follow the nurse to a back room where they collapse into uncomfortable chairs.

Henry curls up into the chair to her left and instantly falls asleep with his head resting near her thigh and so she turns to the unknown child who also happens to be her best friend’s (and not-so-secret crush) biggest secret.

The little girl’s eyes are blown wide open and her body trembles ever so slightly. The tears have since stopped but the remnants remain staining her pale cheeks.

JJ’s natural instinct to provide comfort to a scared child takes over and in a quick practiced movement, the child is guarded within the blonde’s protective embrace.

Lily initially tenses before relaxing into the warmth of the unfamiliar woman. Within seconds, she thinks about all of the rules her mother had drilled into her about strangers and the dangers that they can present. She struggles to get herself out of the woman’s arms.

“Shh, darling. It’s ok.” JJ whispers reassuringly into her ear. 

“No. No no no,” she whines, her arm swinging out to hit JJ in her panic.

“Baby,” she clutches tighter to the little girl who continues to squirm. JJ doesn’t even realize the affectionate term leaving her lips. “You’re safe with me. Your mommy and I are best friends.”

Lily slows her resistance.

“I know we don’t know each other sweetheart but I promise you that you’re safe with me and that your mommy is ok with me being here with you.”

The child loses her fight as she collapses heavily into the woman’s chest, snuggling in deeper to the vanilla scent that’s so different to her smell of her mother’s favourite French perfume. She just wants to bury her face into her mom’s coconut scented hair and fall into a deep sleep; but since she can’t do that right now, this seemed like a decent alternative.

“Is mommy gonna die?” She whimpers so quietly that the agent has to strain her ears to make sure she hears it properly. Her heart clenches painfully at the fear in the little girl’s voice. She still can’t believe that her best friend has a little girl the same age as Henry and had never told her. This precious little angel could have had the entire team there as she grew up, to know and love her and yet here they were, strangers to each other.

“No,” she replies firmly. “Absolutely not,” and she has to believe it too. JJ brushes a strand of curly raven hair behind the petite child’s pierced ear and smiles sadly.

“I can’t believe I didn’t get to know you.” She means to whisper it so the little girl doesn’t hear but it seems as though Lily picked up her mother’s superior hearing ability.

Big brown eyes peek up before she drops her head back to the blonde’s chest and cuddles in. “Mommy says I’m secret cause the bad guys,”

“Bad guys?”

She nods softly. “Mhmm, like daddy.”

The blonde can’t help her reaction where her body tenses at the nonchalant words from the 6-year-old’s mouth. She swallows painfully, sure that there’s a story there that she’ll bring up later when the adults are alone.

There’s a few comfortable moments of silence as Henry slumbers against her thigh and Lily is so still that the agent is sure she too fell asleep. It’s only the quiet words that come from the girl that prove she’s still awake.

“I know you,” she whispers.

JJ smiles softly. “You do. I met you with Henry a few weeks ago.”

Lily shakes her head. “No. Mommy tells me ’bout you.”

The older woman inhales sharply.

“She tells me stories at bedtime. She pr’tects her team and they pr’tect her. She shows me pictures and tells me lots.” Her voice is sleepy and slow but she continues talking as if the words are calming her down and soothing her mind. “Hotch is boss and he has a Jack at home like mommy has me and you has Hen’ry. He needs to smile more,” she mumbles and JJ has to bite back a watery chuckle. “Rozzi is old and ‘talian. He’s rich and likes s’ghetti. He talks to mommy and is like another daddy.

The blonde agent smiles brightly as her best friend's daughter continues to talk about the members of their team. Emily had kept her a secret from them but they were no secret to Lily. They are family to her.

“Uncle Derek is funny and has muscles. He plays jokes and makes mommy laugh when she’s sad. He says I’m little princess and that he’ll always pr’tect me and mommy.” JJ’s still angry that he knows Emily’s biggest secret and she doesn’t, though as she listens, her anger fades somewhat.

“Reid is super duper smart, even more smart than mommy and Mrs Rain,” JJ assumes that must be her teacher. “He’s like a baby brother and he gets hurts lots just like mommy. Pen is fun fun fun. She likes unicorns and rainbows like me and is good on the com’puter, not like me. I like to play games on the com’puter. And then there’s JJ. You’re mommy’s best friend and mommy talks about you the most. You got blonde hair and blue eyes and you hug her when she feels sad. You listen to her when she needs to talk and you pr’tect her. You has Henry and another boy but mommy doesn’t like talking about him. You like to dance and play games and eat cheetos but only the crunchy not the puffy ones. I like the puffy ones.” She smiles dreamily. “Mommy loves you and likes spending time with JJ.”

JJ’s heart swells with each word that comes from the child’s mouth. Emily knows so much about her and she talks about her the most to her little girl that. She chides herself for the way her heart jumps in her chest when Lily says that Emily loves her. She knows it’s just meant platonically anyway.

The trio sit there quietly in that silent corner of the bustling Emergency Department. JJ contemplates everything going through her mind while Lily rests comfortably in her arms. They aren’t left alone for long before a man in a pair of dark blue scrubs and a white coat appears from behind the swinging doors.

“Agent Jareau?”

She stands quickly, laying Henry down gently onto the adjacent chair and hoisting Lily to balance on her hip.

“Agent Prentiss was unconscious when she first came in. She’s suffering from severe dehydration and exhaustion, so we’ve put her on a drip to get those levels back up. What worried me more was the head wound.”

“Head wound?” She hadn’t known about a head wound.

He nods. “Yes, I believe the dehydration causes a dizzy spell which is what caused her to collapse when she tried to stand. It doesn’t appear to be too bad but she does have a slight concussion.”

“But she’s ok right?”

The man sighs. “Agent Jareau, I’m not going to lie to you. I’ve called for a psych eval because I’ve really only seen this type of self inflicted dehydration in cases of severe depression.”

The air is knocked out of her lungs. Depression. That is what he said, it wasn’t just a figment of her imagination. Something serious is going on with Emily. Something that she just can’t compartmentalize this time.

“Is she awake?”

“She is. You can go back and see her now if you’d like.”

She nods mutely. She’ll talk to Emily first and then see about calling the rest of the team. She gathers both children and sets off behind the doctor


End file.
